Grace Ruiz' Happenings

2010-04-01T00:50:00.002+08:00

sleepless nights are on the rise.
with a 10-page script, 1 project report and 1 research report due next week, i need my time to be MULTIPLIED! not forgetting the quiz i am having 16 hours later which i have not even got down to revising.

i literary need to experience the resurrection power this Easter.
believe that it's gonna be a blast!!!

glad to have taken the time out today to meet some of my members up. fruitful time and great company! reminds me of how God always work in ways beyond me.

i'm loving my life more each day. the more grace and strength i need. the more love i have for Him. nothing more...

2010-03-15T02:05:00.001+08:00

i wanna a facelift for my own blog and the cg's.

2010-03-08T23:36:00.002+08:00

after reading some blogs yesterday, i felt that my blogging is getting a bit too "personal" and that i kinda stopped writing about what I have been hearing and the burdens that i've been carrying. probably a case of self-centredness at work.

note to self:

- blog more about your thoughts and what makes you tick.

- share your beliefs and principles.

- teach about what you feel needs growing in.

in the giving, the more we receive...

MPV dream...

2010-02-21T00:39:00.001+08:00

I want to own a car by august this year.

With it, I can do so much more...
To serve my leaders, members, family and friends.

With it, I can multiply and make better use of my time,
To give the bs that I want to give. To grow my income and businesses. To meet more people.

this is something that I'm sure that I really want. And I'm confessing it into reality. And I'm believing for it to happen. I'm sick of cabs. Really.

I want my car, and I want it this august.

But before that, I will get my license in may. Amen.
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CNY Day 3

2010-02-17T13:48:00.000+08:00

Been a day filled with toddlers and I love them loads - Jay and Raphie. Very very cute and adorable. Had a chat with Nic about raising kids. Should really learn about child development and start disciplining kids since young, breaking their spirit when there is a need to. Guess raising kids is also a growing up and learning process for parents too. :)

Hearing Jay talk just kept me motivated and intrigued by how they process all the linguistic information. Very interesting observations too! Looking forward to hear me babble and talk more. Really smart baby!

Caught up with Wei En after San's place over lunch and had a whale of a time at the arcade. Perhaps we are all indeed children at heart. :)

Should really learn to spend more time catching up with various friends soon! :D

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2010-02-16T00:31:00.001+08:00

Just went for Geraldine's mum's wake. Got caught by the grief that she was feeling deep within. I can't begin to imagine the loss that I would feel to lose my parents or grandparents one day. Praying that she'll be strong about it. It also reminds how lives can be touched and changed by crucial moments like these.

It kinda also hit on me that as I now grow older, my parents aren't exactly younger. Grandma is already 84, daddy 51 and mummy 45. And in a decade or two, daddy and mummy would be senior citizens already. And to think that grandparents on both sides are already great-grandparents, with the youngest at almost 7 months. Feel the need to inherit and master their skills and also to pull in the gaps between the generations. Furthermore, there isn't exactly a big that age gap.

Relationships precedes ministry and this was exactly what I saw in action today. Went over to have dinner w Pst, Wenling, Kelvin, Yating and Jaslyn. It is really inspiring to see Pst, Yating and Jaslyn at work together in the kitchen to cook for all of us. I saw the friendships that were present and how everyone served one another. Particularly touched by Pastor's time with Chyanne. Saw a different side of Pastor today. :)

Being the definitions person I am, I am thankful for a fresh start with a friend today. Letting bygones be bygones. :)

Tmr gonna be a great day! <3

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2010-02-15T03:39:00.003+08:00

I'm not the easiest person to love
I'm often the one who lets things go unresolved

Yet you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me
Yet you choose to be on the side of me
On the side of me

I'm not too proud of some things
I've done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide

Yet you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me
Blessed Charity
You're on the side of me
On the side of me

'Cause everyone needs a friend to hold
When it's cold outside
And there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
All alone I cried
There was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
But you

I'm not the easiest person to love
But you, you've opened your heart to show me what I'm worth

'Cause you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me
What a mystery
You're on the side of me
On the side of me

'Cause everyone needs a friend to hold
When it's cold outside
And there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
All alone I cried
There was no place to go

I remember when nobody cared
I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you...

Yeah you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me

- On the side of me -
by Corrine May

this year's valentine has been the weirdest by far but yet one of the sweetest.

left the house at almost 1130pm, deciding that i needed the time and space to unwind, i went to catch valentine's day alone (my first movie alone, ever - mum wanted me to spend time with her but she ended up working most of the time and i went off after she slept). but still it was a rather unique experience to make comments about the show and tear over at the various parts with no one to share all of which with you. but something that i could live with i guess. so who says a person cannot catch Valentine's Day on Valentine's day?

liked the show and all the twists to it. encapsulated a lot of real-life instances within. and some of it were pretty touching. i liked the part about how one married to his best friend motivated the younger chap to do the same. and the part about them being on swings together and wine after illustrated the point about growing older together with shared memories. lovely. and the part that moved me to tears? captain mummy on 14 hour flight back home to love her little boy for a night. it kinda flashed across as how i would want to feel love from my parents and the kind of parent that i wanna be one day too.

the show really took my mind off things and made it a whole lot easier to prayer walk home from amk hub. and the part of walking, praying, praising and worshipping is really the sweetest part of my day. felt very lifted thereafter as i praised and pray. gave me greater clarity and release as i prayed. and reminds me that God loves me so much that He is there to see me through and protect me in every single situation, even the turmoils i feel rather often these days.

i somehow do feel myself growing up and a little older these , adding on to the fact that i'm actually turning twenty-one in another 4.5 months. it is the kind of paradox that i feel very much like a little girl and a grown-up at the same time, bearing all the responsibilities that i have taken up.

或许在这成长的阶段里人们都会变得沉默一些，多加与思考中。对于自己的情感我必须再次勇敢地去面对。

Little Superhero Girl

2010-02-09T23:29:00.000+08:00

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world
Everybody wants a piece of me
And I just don't know where to turn
I've got work piled up to my head
All I want to do is jump into bed
And wash away my troubles
with lemonade
Play hide and seek
with the boy next door
Take a trip to Singapore and
Imagine how I'll make the world
a better place

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognise
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

Na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-
Yeah

If I were a little girl
Trying to clean up the whole wide world
I'd kick the bad boys back to school
Teach them fighting's just not cool
I'd give every kid a teddy bear
Turn starving people into millionaires
Break glass ceilings with dynamite
sprinkle a little sugar and spice
Turn the bullies that terrorize
Into pink poodles that bark,
but don't bite

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognise
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

Na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-
Yeah

Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me
Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me from myself

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world

- Little Superhero Girl by Corrine May

Right now, I just feel like a little girl that needs to grow up. Question is - can I actually take my time to do so? I need to make the time for myself to breathe and recover.

Is there someone that I could actually talk to? One would hold me in her arms while I cry my heart out? Is there someone that would listen and tell me that everything is gonna be fine and I'm loved? One to just be there?

I feel drained just by anything with the memory of anything associated. Time to jog...

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Miss Laugh-a-Lot

2010-02-08T13:32:00.001+08:00

Kept laughing in class today. Really love my playwriting class. Very liberating, especially for a monday morning. Love Joycelyn loads! She totally rocks the class. And, she stages the own monologues that she writes!

The piece I read today was a whole lot more fun and less solemn than the previous pieces that I read. Broke into laughter when I had to call someone "baby". Hilarious!

I enjoy laughing. Puts everything back into perspective. Makes the world so much a chirpier place to live in. Reminds me of what joy is.

Laughter is very much therapeutic for me. Draws me out of hiding and 'emo-ness'. Laughter always open up my heart to receive and heals me on the inside. It fuels me. I like how little observations crack me up and I laugh on ends. Laughter has always been the way that God prepares me for sth bigger than myself and pulls me closer to him.

I really laugh a big part of the time. Faced with situations that I am not too sure of what reaction to give, I simply smile or laugh. I mean things can only get better isn't it? ;)

The biggest lesson is the ability to laugh at your own mistakes. Not that you're a total joke. But laugh at how silly it was and grow from them.

I love laughters, esp kids cause they are so uninhibited :D

Love life. Laugh. .
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What a Day!

2010-02-06T23:54:00.001+08:00

This is one of the day that will always be etched in my memory.

Third day running to have morning pm in NTU and I am really really excited. Led the meeting today and am very humbled. Could hear God speaking and felt His desire for more leaders and even more so, worshippers in NTU. Felt the breakthrough coming in the spirit and very honored and thankful to have embarked on this journey of intercession for the school.

Celebrated Zihao's birthday and planned for Monday's outreach event. It's gonna be a blast with many more friendships being forged and hearts will be very very open! Amen and amen!!!

Funny how shortly after Yang messaged me to have a great day ahead, the next message that I received simply brought me to tears and on my knees. I just cried and cried, not knowing why. Probably the greatest emotion is felt there and then was disappointment. As usual, questions simply flooded my mind, the desire to confront and satisfy my curiosity was evidently present. But end of it all, I am leaving it to God's sovereignty.

I guess what I really has never been able to tolerate is the breaking of trust. But I learnt to give God all my rights today. And I know for sure, this isn't something that I would want to fight for.

This message seems to have been pivotal and in fact, divine. Broke me once again when I think I am over it to only realise that there is still this bit that needs to be surrendered and addressed. Yet again, God has once again been very very graceful to actually prepare me in my heart and in the spirit. It is something that I could resist to some extent, to pray and to get back on my feet.

It has been a long while since I cried in such a manner. But as I shared with Wenling, I felt that I am getting closer to her and easier to open up to her. It is really comforting to know that someone like her is praying for me.

And I'm thankful for min that got herself out of bed and came all the way to school to offer me a hug. What would I ever do without her? And Evelyn and her are getting me a new laptop bag with handle! Hehe. A bit random. =P

And I thank God that things are a whole lot clearer now with the message. It just propelled me towards my breakthrough and allowed faith to arise. I deleted the friend in question off my contact simply. It is not hatred or unforgiveness but letting go. If our paths ever cross again, still will be a friend to me.

I questioned the timing of the entire incident and to only grow to appreciate it as I come to the end of this day.

The devil is upset with my passion and fervency - my can-do, let's-do attitude. I am being a threat to him. Makes it all the more exciting that through it I am being moulded and refined in my character and faith. Had thoughts of combining cg today for a split second but my faith said otherwise.

If not, cg wouldn't have been as awesome as it was today. I broke through my volume capacity and was much bolder in my praise. And the presence of God was just so tangible that those who are dry and lost were being ministered to by God. Loved His presence. And the word that was being spoken forth in the spirit ministered to me as well. And the ministry made it all the easier to preach and set the stage right. Very encouraged by the faith level of my members. Love them all! Looking forward to hear more 'amens' in cgms!

Special mention to Alicia for making things happen and standing in the gap for me. Very very blessed to have a sister and friend that loves me as much as you do.

Not forgetting Xinyee, Spencer, David, Gabriel, Jingzhou and Crystal who took a step out and served the rest of the cg. Love you guys!

Through it all, I thank God that He always make things perfect in His own time. Everything was just right. Any difference would mean a whole world of differencem

-----
Loved the service today. Was touched by how timely God is yet again. A word that spoke right into my situation. I wasn't feeling really good with the cg as well and a bit drained.

In seasons and stages of our lives, we learn lessons that becomes the seeds in the lives of others. They become permanent. I thank God for putting me through all that I've been through to become a blessing in the lives of others. I wanna be able to keep sowing! And remember, rejection is also a form of direction. Thank you for pushing me in the direction of receiving sth even better for my life.

And we had three new friends for service today with two of them getting saved! :D the third one will get saved in feb and all of them will be integrated in march!

Appreciate the time I had with David too! Got to hear from him! Whee! :D

And something that is weighing on my heart...
Alicia, I'm sorry about the way that I expressed myself and having hurt you in the process. You are appreciated.

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2010-02-05T01:33:00.003+08:00

i feel like picking up the phone and call,

to ask the questions that i have once and for all.

i feel the urge to call it all off

and confront everything face-off.

i know we all need to do what we must

to lay it all down till the last

surrendering this area every single day

reminding myself that i'm Yours and not my own

it shakes me up from time to time

and reminds me of the dimes

those that i would give for the thoughts of yours

and how it would go on for hours

my heart can only take one

just that one and no other

my soul longs for more of You each day

to ask of You to fill and complete me every day

my flesh is laid but for this cause

where i find myself lost in Your love

and all i want is simply more of you....

it has been quite a long while since i last felt this way.

but i'm learning - i'm learning patience and submission.

i don't always have to know how things are and how they will turn out.

trust. trust in God. keep trusting. learning to trust.

and i pray that God, keep me away from all the bees and butterflies.

i am not interested in having a garden.

You know that i'm not ready for the bloom.

neither do i want to bloom.

i just want to keep on at what i have been feeling strongly in my heart to do.

to put my hands into the field and do all the work that needs to be done.

grant me wisdom to relate to people without giving them the wrong ideas and motives.

help me to draw clearer boundaries and draw distances.

a good reputation can never be bought and once tarnished would cost us our entire lives to build it up once again...

old lady and tissues...

2010-02-01T08:30:00.001+08:00

Bought some tissues from a handicapped old lady just outside the station. Was just thinking to myself for a split moment, why do we want to buy tissues from her when the supermarket sells them at four times lesser of the price.

But it is also like what the bible says about lending to the poor. I do want to save up a lot a lot of money this year. But definitely not at the expense of the poor and needy of the society today. God, enlarge my mindset and capacity. Help me to prepare myself and make room for your blessings. I want to be a good manager. :)
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My Sunday...

2010-01-31T23:43:00.001+08:00

Appreciating the presence of a blackberry (aka Ruby for my case) more and more. Got to clear work mail on the move and to connect with friends that are overseas now like Ziyun and Karu.

Rejuvenates me by providing me with updates of my loved ones through facebook and twitter. Just one thing that I would have loved more is really a longer battery life. But still, I'm thankful that I'll be able to spend lesser time on Jewel reading mails but able to do other things on Jewel.

Enjoyed my swim today though I do wish I could learn how to swim properly. But it does refreshes me. Keeps me clear in the head.

Went JB again today with wei. Did planning and chilled a bit. I kinda need to remember to BREATHE! Not some superhuman. But anyhows, looking forward to playwriting class tmr! :)

Learning to appreciate the scenery along the way brings great joy to the journey...

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Book Review: The LORD who is on the waves (Dr Kim Sung Hae)

2010-01-31T13:01:00.001+08:00

Finally finished my first book of the year! And, I love the book to bits!!!

What I like about the book:
Very vivid and lively examples
Easy to understand and apply into daily living (simple English with no jargons AND I am already putting some of them in action)
Practical wisdom shown for daily living

Recommendations:
Everyone, especially women. Dr Kim shares about her life as a Christian, wife, mother, daughter and working professional and how each biblical concept is applied into her life like joy and forgiveness. It also taught me about the resilience and role of a women in modern society today. Amidst all the expectations thrown upon women today, we need to have a standard (or a measure) to live by. I like the insights provided by this book and how it is so intricately crafted into each chapter bringing the little things that are forgotten to remberance.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5
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Mornings

2010-01-30T08:54:00.001+08:00

I'm liking the early morning more and more.

Waking up to the day without being in a rush is sweet. I like being home - the peace and the serenity that I have today.

And finally, I'm getting down to clear my mountains and terrains of barangs. :)

Hid mercies for me are new each morning. Isn't it great that we can always start over each day new?
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2010-01-29T23:59:00.001+08:00

"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. "
• Romans 8:37-39 •

God loves me no matter what. Period.
There are times that I may grieve Him or bring great joy to Him, but He loves me the same, regardless.

Was reminded of His endless love for me during the time of worship today. Feeling a bit tormented now that on the inside all I wanna do is just to SCREAM!!! The questions that never got answered and the frustration that is bubbling within is of no particular help.

Right now, I just wanna worship all over again and get myself lost in His loving presence and then continue fighting for what needs to be fought. Argh!!!

P.S. I really need to work something out to stop losing my voice before each cgm...

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2010-01-29T09:54:00.004+08:00

was awakened by a dream that i had. and was awakened by yet another dream when i hit back to sleep.

i am bugged. and its bugging me. even as i prayed, many many images flashed unto my mind. i was disturbed. deeply disturbed. i cried and i prayed some more. kinda nerve-wrecking whenever i think that i am better and that it is all blowing over, i get reminded and it keeps me back in some sense. but i am no longer fearful. just need to continually pray and lift it up to God. furthermore, the past is the past and it belongs there. and i never would want to go back into the past. it is over. whatever goes on from there is something new.

i know i am breaking through. i know i'm getting stronger each day. each confrontation means to pray more and to depend on God even more. it is through all these that we build strength and character and i learn to rely on God more. even when i don't feel like it, i will still do it because i'm empowered to do it...

every day I live, I know that You are my Lord, not just my God.

remind me how much I need You every single day...

Not my will but Yours!

2010-01-27T16:21:00.001+08:00

Finally got back home after attending to an urgent matter. Now all fresh after a shower to do some work.

Had a pretty long day with a bs and discipleship session thrown alongside with a tutorial, lecture and two different meetings. But its amazing how everything is just connected with each other.

The word that I shared with my helpers were pretty much in line with what pastor shared with us. We all need to learn to be better stewards and servants.

As for myself, I want to learn to be a better master and servant in 2010. I want to be debt-free and empower my members to live out their lives in responsibility.

Yuzhen was also just sharing in how God always gives a call larger than ourselves so that we would need Him. And if we are not frustrated with what we are doing, then it is probably that we are not working towards our calling because the larger calling would put us out of our comfort zone and allows us to learn things we never did before. It caused me to rethink a decision I had made prior to the meeting.

Somehow, it was all reiterated through during leader's meet when pastor preached about servanthood/slavery. I cried as we worshipped and Pastor shared about what happened in the garden of Gethsemane. Like what Jesus said, "not my will but Yours be done!"

In every sense, we are free to do what we want to do but yet, it is because of our love for Him that we choose to become bondservants to do His will. And it is all because He first loved us which changed us and transformed us, allowing us to go free. I am who I am today not because of myself but because of what God has done.

I struggled at the very moment as we worshipped. But I know as I made the decision, I need to stick through it and see it coming to pass. Regardless of how I feel, I want to give it my best shot and lay down my life for this cause.

Feel the need to build myself up physically and get proper rest so as to be able to continually give my 100%. Need greater discipline. But it is getting exciting to feel the adrenaline rush once again and see how God answers our prayers as we act in accordance to his will. Looking forward to the breakthroughs and miracles that God is working for us.

What privilege and honor it is to serve in His will...
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2010-01-26T00:00:00.001+08:00

Finally making my way back home now. :)

Playwriting class was great fun! Looking forward to write, critic and watch more plays in the months ahead!

Met up with jj after class to fellowship and have lunch. My was it good hand exercise with the basketball dunking and the new bishi bashi machine! I love it! Gonna try to accomplish the whole feat without any continuation the next time round. Funny how we bumped into mike ye there and then and he had a race with jj. Enjoyed my afternoon with jj. :)

We also bumped into jialiang and louisa tay at jp. But we couldn't join them for dinner. Next time I guess. :)

Dinner w taigong and cheryl at just acia was good, save for the fact that there was really really really a lot of leftovers. Talked quite a lot and shared quite a bit. I'm glad that I've grown to be more resolute. And I realised that sometimes people do misunderstand because of the lack of depth in understanding of the situation. But I guess that is something that I can live with. After all, God is the one who vindicates! :)

Caught up with min at udders after her work. Really strenuous to see her having worked after 12 long hours that her hand was shaking when eating ice-cream. Nevertheless, I enjoyed my time with her. She is really a friend that helps to keep me sane. Something she said today was rather unexpected and kinda shook me. Haha. But its alright now. :)

Looking forward to a great day of meet-ups tmr, child language class and the word that Pastor Tan is going to share personally! *excited*

Gentle reminder to self:
If a man fails to plan, he plans to fail!
So start planning...
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Weekends

2010-01-24T22:25:00.001+08:00

The entire weekend has been one that is particularly long and stretching in some ways. Didn't really get time with my members though. =(

Was feeling a bit worn but am better now. Thank God for friends like Ran that literary "dragged" me out by turning up right under my flat with the rest of the gang to pick me up. Being away from my phone and Singapore for a few hours did me good. Learnt how to monopoly deal (anyone wanna play that with me?) And had loads of laughter. It is hilarious how KK was retorted with such wit and sincerity from an uncle that took our orders. Oh! And I got my white musk hand moisturizer! I'm loving it!!! :D

Appreciate Mr Ual for having spoken to me over the weekend too. It is comforting to know that someone like him care enough to ask and share. It was also liberating in some ways. :)

In the many things that we were talking about, something that stuck is really this: we are called to make an impact to wherever we are at. Simple yet deep. So many of us are so cooped up with our commitments that we tend to forget our family and school. Are we still making influence or have we become fixated to our ministry and what is in our hands that we forget to look up and around where we are? Was pretty grieved on friday when I was in a frantic attempt to help sanjay. Many of those that I spoke to are not ready to drop their commitments for someone that is in need. Maybe I should have dropped my tuition at that moment... Have we become apathetic?

Things need to change, and it starts with the (wo)man in the mirror...

Failed to do something of great importance over the weekend. Did my best but it probably wasn't the best in eyes of many. Still, it is a lesson learnt. In the midst of restituition and I'm praying for restoration. She really means a lot to me. Order.

And to my dear one, I pray that you find your direction and grow stronger! :)
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2010-01-22T11:00:00.001+08:00

Had a talk with Min yesterday on our way back. I'm thankful that as we travelled together, we got to communicate more on a "deeper level".

We do discuss issues here and there but not as much in detailed as we did yesterday.

A thought that was thrown out is really that many people end up fearing taking up new things and to do more because at a point of time in their lives they went so full on that they almost burnt out. But as they stayed on in their relationship with God, there is a personal barrier of serving more and taking up greater responsibilities. Yet, the beautiful thing is that as we keep our relationship with God strong, we then find ourselves becoming more open and willing to take that step out of our comfort zone, albeit challenging.

And as we serve more, we need to learn to come to that place of total abandonment to God, drawing strength from Him each single day. History only repeats itself when we do things based on our own strength, wisdom and ability. As I grow older now, I've learnt and am still learning the importance of grounding each day in prayer, reading the word and also to hear and obey the voice of the Holy Spirit. Quick to do what I've heard.

Nothing beats the joy of knowing the purpose of your life and knowing that each step of your way is ordained and guided by God. And to know that every singe prayer you make is being answered simply empowers me to pray more and do more.

Min and I really want to do what God has called us to do what He purposed us for us to do in our time in school. Things need to change and the change got to start from us. Having heard, we need to do. We need to act upon our faith!

And one thing for sure? God is a God of new things. Just when we thought that we are there, our personal limit gets stretched all over again as God begins to reveal to us the next stage. The very time that we say that nothing else needs to be done or everything is so boring and that there is nothing new, it is the time that we have closed our spiritual eyes and ears and have grown weary and hardened. Let us remain tender and open to all that He wants to speak and be faithful in obeying them! I like what my leader says, "my life is not my own anyway". We do not live our lives based on others, but we live a life that is fulfilled by God.

God, continue to speak to me the things you want done. I'll follow your leading by your Spirit every single day and I know it will lead me to the call you have over my life. Help me Holy Spirit to follow through. Give me the wisdom and understanding to carry them out and as I speak to people. I know you have something greater in store for me and the ccg. Speak to us continually! In Jesus name I pray, amen.

What we perceive to be a destination is but part of the journey that God has in mind. He begins to show us the next part of the journey when we reach our perceived destination...
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2010-01-20T01:36:00.002+08:00

Focus. Consecrate. Discipline. Grow.

made a few mistakes today. but i figured out the more important thing is that i learn and make changes to what has been wronged. one should never fear making mistakes although we should try to minimize mistakes to develop a spirit of excellence. i know when i take active steps to change, i will then become a better person.

today's leaders meeting was great! had a lot a lot of food for thought though.

need to pray for greater wisdom, understanding and anointing over my life.

take all of me in exchange for all of You, You're my all consuming fire...

my life has not been my own to begin with. help me to live daily according to Your purposes...

2010-01-20T00:00:00.001+08:00

Overslept for class today so fined myself. Started a penalty system today so as to discipline myself. Really need to kick those bad habits off this year. The fine I am paying will be donated eventually. But I guess it is good "tuition" fees to a better me. :)

I'm loving my play-writing class. Although it would also mean a lot a lot of hard work this sem to write and stage my very own 10-minute play! Looking forward to it!

Went on to alexandra to pick up some stuff to coach Alicia at her place. She is really a fast learner. Cleared almost everything within an hour. Phew!

Staying over at Jo's place tonight also. Enjoying my time with her! :)

- 18 Jan 2010 -
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2010-01-18T00:08:00.001+08:00

Just a few more questions to write for Math Boss and I'll be done. Just wanna spend more time reading and planning for the cg. Lots of ideas running through.

Really pray that the flu will go away so that I can do all that is in my heart with focus. Looking forward to play-writing class, bs, discipleship, fellowship, prayer meeting and my time with the kids tmr. Not forgetting the time with one of my spiritual mama who is there to listen to me. :)

I'm excited for how the week is going to unfold. Close more deals, meet more people, give more bs and see plans and ideas roll into reality! Woohoo!

I'm loving my life and I thank my God for everything! :D
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Confessions...

2010-01-17T22:13:00.001+08:00

I'm going to be accident-free. No more bruises. No more injuries. No more falling down. No more head bumps. No more blur-blurness.

I am going to be a gracious lady!
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Positive!

2010-01-17T13:51:00.001+08:00

I like the air of positivity that just bubbles within.

Even when I'm tired, I know things will work out fine. Very excited for everything that is happening. No longer as frustrated and worked up. Just taking things one step at a time. Really, the joy of the Lord truly becomes my strength in times like this. Don't feel screwed up or hard-pressed. Just a confidence to know that everything will work out great!

Keeping th faith up! Believing for my hundred. Believing for growth in all areas. Believing for His best for me!!! :D *loved*
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2010-01-17T00:04:00.001+08:00

Really excited and jubilant that we finally got our piece of land! Looking forward to Pastor's announcement in 7 weeks time! Gonna be great!

Second time that I heard the sermon being preached and it is still fresh to me, bringing on new revelations. Was reminded how each time I prayed in Korea, God allowed things to happen. Really need to grow that kind of faith to receive for every single thing that I pray!

Like what a friend said, 2010 is a blank slate, written by faith. I'm excited and expectant of the growth and breakthroughs that are coming my way. I know and I know, this will be the best year yet for my life!

And to add on, I'm getting a bit overwhelmed by my cg in a good way. Looking forward to spend more time with each individual and to be a friend and sister in their lives. God, grant me wisdom and multiply my time.

Having lots of business ideas bubbling within me now. But need direction to pull everything together. God, direct my path and show me Your way!

Remind me daily of the blessed hope I have in Jesus. Amen!
P.S. Looking forward to meeting all the playgroup kids tmr! Will be learning how they actually talk too. Whee!
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Dressing up!

2010-01-16T11:13:00.001+08:00

Loved how I looked today. Didn't take that much effort to produce the look I had. Made the "flu-ish" me felt a whole lot better as I went around today. At least I didn't have to look like a ghost. Gave me a fair bit of energy boost today. :)

I'm really really glad to the new additions I now have in my wardrobe. shoes, belts, tops, bottoms, and loads of earrings and accessories! I'm a happy girl! Going to take my own time to whip up new mix and matches looks. Should be quite a while before I go shopping again. :D

Anyways, the main point is how I'm getting convicted on how I should pay more attention to my looks! All along I treaured comfort above anything else. But as I grew older, I realised I need both comfort and style! Maybe one day I will grow off my tees but they are still pretty much a staple. Just that I need to learn to ACCESSORIZE!!!

To sum it up, looking good makes me feel better about myself and honors God since we are all His representatives. People are attracted to good-looking people. I sure don't want to dress so shabbily that my members wouldn't be proud of me or give their parents such a shock.

And like what Dr Kim says, " it is wrong for a woman to spend enormous amounts of money on her appearance. But it is her responsibility to make sure she dress with dignity and sensitivity. "

And even more so, I need and want to pray and be clothed spiritually too! Looking forward to service and time with members! Whee! :D

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2010-01-15T00:30:00.002+08:00

day of random meetings...

only attended 2 lectures today cause the other 2 was cancelled, but had loads of fun meeting up the different ones.

enjoyed catching up with angie over lunch. marche's crepe is yummylicious since it is topped with fresh cut strawberries. and i also got my favorite rosti with whipped cream from there! talked about many many things together. looking forward to meeting her up again next week for bs also!

and finally got to see daniyal after a looooong holiday break. looking forward to have him join the ntu peeps more often this sem. :D

tuition today with william was great fun despite my sleepiness. work hard and you'll see improvements in your results! he is really really smart!

saw jingzhou on my way out. goodness me! his haircut is really drastic that it took me 3 whole minutes to recognize him!!! imagine the surprise of the rest of the cg tmr. haha. he's cute! walked all the way from bukit batok to teck whye station with him. enjoyed the time catching up with him.

and on the train ride home, i actually saw TAIGONG!!!
it's rather funny how we were trying to meet each other up for our business matters but just never happened and saw each other on our way back. hehe. glad to have heard him share his life with me in some ways. taigong, jiayou!

whoo! and Cecilia shared a very exciting piece of news with me today! believing with her for greater things to come in the months ahead! and believing for the same to happen for my cg in the next few months too! *excited* you go girl!

and something else Min shared spurred me thinking...
what would i actually do upon graduation?
would i go on to pursue a masters or phd? or would i just start working?
prolly need to start thinking and planning, eben though it is still two and a half years' away...

PRAY!!!

Appropriateness and Maturity

2010-01-14T12:29:00.000+08:00

Was talking to my leader the other day and it really did help me learn a lot a lot.

How do we define maturity?
I have had friends telling me that their members are mature beyond their ages etc. And how mature this person is. And the list just goes on.

Maturity is probably learning to do the right thing at the right time, recognizing the consequences and the impact of what you do have on the people around you.

I pretty much do a lot of things I do out of spontaneity. Spontaneity is good. But its pretty high time that I learn to balance my life and look at the consequence of my actions and the words that I say. I'm highly excitable but I need balance.

Let all that we do carry weight. It is not about an age thing. But it really is learning to carry ourselves appropriately according to the situation, recognizing the ROLE that we are playing at that point in time and putting it forth. There is a time and season for everything. Put eternity in our hearts and help me to cherish this call you have put over my life every single moment for the rest of my life.

I like what it says in 1 Tim 4:12.
I believe that all my youths will be people that command weight and respect wherever they go because they know that the God that they serve is greater than all else. They will live out wisdom as God has put forth. Indeed, those that know their God shall do mighty exploits for Him!
Live out every single moment of your life to the max...
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2010-01-14T09:56:00.003+08:00

being back in singapore is almost an entirely different story from korea.

korea was very much like another version of SOT, the immersion programme kind.
what i really caught on was the simple childlike faith of the people. they just believed God in prayer. a trap that all of us fall into as we grow into sophistication is the increased tendency to want to seek our own solutions to our problems, and very often, quick fixes.
we kind of wrestle the lordship and right into our own hands, wanting to see where it will lead next. but yet, many will just end up in frustration.

i want to learn how to love God with such simplicity in faith - the kind that knows that God will make it happen. i am going to be a joyful Christian. unashamed of my faith, living it out everyday!

2010-01-12T23:34:00.002+08:00

When I became a man, I put away childish things...

was taught and now i learn...

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Korea Day 2

2010-01-12T06:06:00.003+08:00

Having to get up after an hour of sleep is seriously no fun. And ending up getting two cost me to be late for 15 min. Going to sleep earlier tonight so that I'll be fresh for tmr morning prayer!

Glad to have got the opportunity to get to know Euzanne better. Really blessed by her sharing and I felt the tugging once again towards campus ministry. It is really in the campuses that God can move and do great things that eventually changes and shapes society, like Dreamworks.

The visit to prayer mountain and a service conducted just for us moved me greatly, egging me to pray even more and grow my spirit man. Was really ministered by the presence of God during the worship. And what God reminded me today that He is watching and guarding over every single detail of our lives just like how the snow covers every single thing in existence so thoroughly.

Really glad to have been able to serve Pst and Wenling today. Am even more blessed by Sharon, Marc, Cecilia, Euzanne, Bennie and Edmund's love for their leaders. :D

- 05 Jan 2010, 2315h -
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Korea Day 3

2010-01-12T06:06:00.001+08:00

Today was practically FREEEEZING!!!

Was early for morning prayer today. Somehow was more refreshed and charged up to pray. Loving the times to just get plugged into the Spirit and allowing God to speak to you. And the hymns (the praise ones) are very much upbeat. Some of them even have actions to go along with it! Point proven: Praising God is a happy and fun thing to do all the time!

We also had Pastor Kong preaching in the mid-week service today! Refreshed by the word (the second sermon of the day) and TOTALLY in season! Although we heard of some of the stories before, the word today brought on remembrance and perspective. Encouraged by how Pastor Kong lives his faith out! And also to see through him how raising kids in a godly manner can potentially change the whole generation in time to come. Try reading psalms, proverbs, john, genesis and revelation to the baby. =p

Got to meet some new people today, like Gary (owner of spectacle hut), Bennie and Edmund. One other person that I got very inspired by is a Catholic pastor who was also in my SOT batch! Funny how we only get to know people in the most roundabout ways.

His family in itself is like a band and they serve God in the church together. A family is the basic unit that God can change the society with.

Went out with Euzanne and Cecilia to get waffles after dinner! Very fun to be eating hot waffles out in the cold. Wonder if I'll ever get to see it snow before I head back to singapore. :)

I wanna do loads of shopping and play! But for now, I need to pray and seek God for my breakthrough, my direction.

- 06 Jan 2010, 2256h -
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Departure...

2010-01-04T02:34:00.000+08:00

Thank you guys for sending me on my first flight overseas!
Thank you taigong, fiona, zihao, peter, jaydee, shujun and donn for the fellowship and laughter. Really appreciate the effort and time even some of your are really so tired.

thank you Gab, alicia, david and jingzhou for the candies to help me deal with the giddy spells, the spongebob squarepants plasters and bookmarks to use during the transit.

Thank you guys! I'm loved! :D
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The First Three Days of 2010....

2010-01-04T02:20:00.000+08:00

2010 started with getting down to help daddy, new year party with FOTS and leaders' thanksgiving!

The whole day was fun and exhilarating and mind-provoking. I was positively challenged in many ways, not just growing my group but even more to grow in my relationship with Pastor, Wenling and fellow leaders, to build a relationship with them. It is not just about doing things, but whether we all know how to 做人as well.

For my helpers and members, I don't want to be just a leader to them, tasking them with things to do. I want to be their friend who cheers them on in this race and am around for them. What is the point of getting many many people but yet don't have relationship with any?

Having a chat with Wenling and Jo in the past two days have reminded me of the basics of accountability and not compromising on values. Many times I find myself being swayed by the majority even when I sense a "怪怪的感觉". But I'm glad the next time I ever feel this way, I can always bounce them off Wenling and Jo, falling back on the.. I know what I want, I just need the confidence and conviction to stand strong on them.

And the Word by Pastor Tan drew me back in once again. Was feeling a bit depressed ( to think it was only the second day of the new year ) after getting "scolded" and of the like. But it is true that in my life, I gotta stop making comparisons and run the course that God has provided my life. I need to FOCUS! to each and every one of us, God has ordained a specific portion, and I want to keep to mine. 2010 is a time of new beginning - no more looking back, only forward. And I will keep my faith level up to the level of revelation through continual prayer, praise, fasting and thanksgiving.

It kinda blew my mind that when we were giving, preparing to give, our offering, when God put a lot of visions and ideas through my mind's eyes.

My goals in 2010:
1. 100 people in 2010
2. Salvation of all 3 grandparents
3. $10,000 in bank account by end 2010
4. CGPA to qualify for second upper
(I was a bit "greedy" so wrote 4 on the envelope)

I am excited for all that will unfold in 2010. Even though the first two days of the new year wasn't exactly smooth-sailing and pretty upsetting, and depressing to some extent. But I'm looking forward to all that will unfold in the months ahead.

I know I'm a happier person now, not because of what I've accomplished but what I have seen God in my life. The greatest joy is always very simple - following God and surrendering your will unto Him. God, let me draw closer to you on this trip. Bring me to the next level with You, taking me by Your hands like you always do. :D

On another note... Must really start jogging and swimming when I get back! Havenkt got to exercise this year... =P
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It's 2010!!!

2010-01-01T04:27:00.001+08:00

Spent this year counting down at home hearing the fireworks go. Got to spend some family and solitude time today. Time off my phone and time to sleep. =P

Very much excited and expectant about this year. From the deepest within myself, I can sense the changes that are taking place and the breakthroughs that are in store.

In 2009, lots of foundations were being laid and corrected. This will continue in 2010. But this year will also see a lot more building up in my life, in my ministry.

I'm glad th see how I've grown closer both to God and to people in the past year. Sure looking forward to develop deeper ones this year!

Business ventures remains to be explored. Gonna get creative for a rocking good time! Goals have been set. Need to pray through and follow through them.

More lives are out to be moulded. Let us all keep growing together in love!

And this year, I need to develop FOCUS! Streamlining my commitments and having better time management to be more effective in the things that I do. Lesser frustration because of over-packed schedules. More family, friends and cg time!

God, help me to grow in stature this year. Grant me greater wisdom in my life to do all that You have given to me. Show me more of You that I may build myself in You. Allow me to grow in love daily towards You and people. Help me to grow in confidence and to speak up also. And I want to learn to be even more dependent on You this year. Continue to mould me this year in Your will. In Jesus name I pray, amen. :D

Thank you for everyone that sowed into my life in 2009 and having given me a chance to share all your laughters, tears and joy. Looking forward to embrace all this year! *loves*
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2009-12-29T00:07:00.000+08:00

i want a stand for all my earrings and all my necklaces.

just google it and you see lots of them...

2009-12-27T04:08:00.002+08:00

Caught up with Wei tonight after meeting the helpers.

Been such a long time since I got to share my heart with someone else in such depth and details. Appreciate yang having been giving a listening ear. Yet, a girl still needs her girl buddies.

Saw how much I've grown over time and the work that God has been working in my life. I'm just thankful and grateful.

We talked a lot, a. lot. - past, present and future.
We laughed about the people whom we used to dislike but are now people closest to our hearts, of which we are really really blessed to have them in our lives, pple like bestie and brian.

Conclusion both Wei and I arrived at regarding relationships:
WE ARE BOTH STILL VERY VERY YOUNG & THERE IS NO HURRY FOR US TO GET ATTACHED.
And for the matter, I'm not even looking. I need focus in my life and streamlining needs to be done. I'm very very blessed and happy with the current group of pple that I have now that just hang and chill together. Nothing more that I could ask for.

And deep in our hearts, we know that we are called into full-time ministry. The definition of full-time has broadened over the years to be all-encompassing. To think I was posed the same question twice this week abt going on full-time after graduation. Pray, pray and PRAY!

Yet even more so is that I need to grow myself in the first space and engage the second space to be invited to the third space. And that is sth that I'm getting very burdened about - the campus. Are we still reaching out and being discipled to be sent out to be a blessing to the society and community that we are in right now? Or are we staying status quo?

nothing can express how privileged that i am to have been part of the vision that bestie laid. but even more so like what wei and i felt is really that someone needs to carry on the baton. are we ready?

The last days...

2009-12-22T13:39:00.001+08:00

脑海里还是一片空白。要做得事还有很多很多，但就是提不起劲来。累坏了吗？

Just gonna read my bible and pray...
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Words... (Or the lack thereof)

2009-12-21T14:44:00.001+08:00

Don't really feel like talking to anyone now.

I don't mind writing but just don't wanna talk.

I'm tired but You give me the strength to carry on...

Clear my thoughts, clear my mind...
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Daddy's love

2009-12-14T23:14:00.000+08:00

Very very touched by daddy's love for me.

Yesterday he just said that he will pass me money to spend during my Korea trip. And the amount is one that will really cover everything that Mummy isn't covering. I was stunned, really stunned.

And today as I briefly asked if I could get some roasted meat for the chalet. Daddy agreed. And I was told by the coffeeshop auntie and uncle that Daddy specially roasted another duck for me cause of a customer who wanted to buy one whole duck, which he left aside for me. To think that daddy could have just told me about it and I would have still been okay. But yet, he made that special effort for me, to have put in that cost for me, not earning anything in return. Daddy being a man of few words, he wouldn't have told me. So I'm really thankful for the coffeeshop owners that told me. I was really touched that I just grabbed daddy and gave him a big hug and squeeze.

I thank God for giving me a daddy whom I've grown to know as a friend and the fatherly figure that I missed out on my younger days. Help me to continually remember to honor my parents and love them like how they've sacrificed for me.

I never did in my wildest imagination think daddy would do sth like that. :)
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Not Forgetting the Cross

2009-12-11T22:08:00.000+08:00

Not Forgetting the Cross

Precious was the price You paid
In keeping me alive today
Giving me a life that was not mine anyway

The love the grace You've shown
Gave and granted me the strength to grow

A brand new day each day
Having you take my hand and guide my way

What could I ever give to live my life like this
A life that I could only once dream and imagine
But now You've made it all true
One in which you rule!

As I went for cg today and listened to the word, it reminded me the importance to always have a heart of gratitude and always being thankful for Him and the people in my life. Very touched by His love and presence. And I'm even more thankful for His reality every day this year. I know I'm getting stronger as He strengthens me. And each day, it is His love that is keeping me from faltering and falling. I am thankful for all His care and provision, I really am. Amen.
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Astoundingly Breath-taking!!!

2009-12-06T23:40:00.001+08:00

I've exceeded far and beyond my word count for the day. A bit drained now yet totally excited and inspired!

Met a lot of new people today and talked to a whole lot more. Today's experience kinda gave me an extra confidence boost and dose of courage. Had to learn to break all my inhibitions. Learning to take to the people of another level in itself is a great challenge to me, being able to meaningfully engage them.

What really took my breath away was the entire musical. On how the entire team came together and made the whole production work, with the youngest being 5 years old. Literary, I am seeing the future in the making - the energy, the talents and the friendships forged. Priceless.

I was left dumbfounded and clapping at the end of it all. Tears practically welled up within my eyes. I cannot describe the depth of the entire production for it was brought out in its simplicity.

And interviewing the different people, I realised one thing - the power of a dream and a person who believes. The script that the producer believed that the team could accomplish and pastor Eileen's continual belief in every individual made the difference. Pretty much the tipping point. Talking to KC also made me learn a lot more about willingness and faith. The effort he put in and the discipline really inspires me. And like what Adrian says, miracles do happen when the people all give their best!

And appreciate Aaron for carrying my bag and kudos to Cheryl, Joyce and Eileen for waiting for me. They really show you what patience is. To see them after all the work was a relief and loads of love. *blessed*

And now its time to rest and recharge for morning pm and ecp visit. Angeline has also given birth to her little princess, Faith today. *exciting*
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2009-12-06T00:55:00.003+08:00

obedience and discipline.
both of which i need to grow loads in.

1. no more rubber timing
2. proper diet ( i think i might need to put some weight control measures in place)
3. proper exercise
4. no over-packing of schedule (i need to remember to breathe
5. proper management of finances

dr john is really taking my personal giving to God to another level with his teachings. very much convicted and greater faith has arisen on the inside to trust God even more with my finances. gave my biggest offering ever - an amount that i never expected myself to be able to give. it is really my precious, considering this is my first income after having not worked for an entire month. not too sure how the finances for the rest of the month will turn out but one thing i;m sure is that by giving what God has spoken, He will definitely bless me back and prosper me in return. really trusting God with my financial goals and possible income sources. hopefully i will be able to increase my sources of income next year and that i will earn double of what i'm earning now each month.

the amazing thing that really blew me away is that as i wrote on the offering envelope last Sunday to be able to give to God at least a $100 every month in offering after paying my tithes. and the next thing i knew is that this week i gave above and beyond what i had purposed in my heart to give in an entire month. truly, there is something greater in store for me. praying for increments in current tuition jobs and new business opportunities to work out well. angels will be there to guard and protect and open up doors. AMEN!

with the bills to pay, the money that i need to save up for the korea trip, winter wear clothing that i need to buy, i am really trusting God to provide for me. even more so, i am asking God for the wisdom and the creativity to handle my finances properly. i know my breakthrough is coming. and i will be able to provide for my parents in 2010.

financial goal for 2010: financial independence once i turn 21.

financial goal for 2012: graduate debt-free

in faith and with hard work, all things are possible!

and in the midst of these pursuits, first and foremost is still focusing on developing the people around me, helping them to reach their destinies.

money is not the end. it is just a mean to do what God wants done.

and by being financially free, we can do what God wants done without the extra consideration of where the money is going to come from...

The Power of Acting It Out

2009-12-04T15:00:00.000+08:00

Actions do indeed speak louder than words.

As I lazed in bed, I realized the initially refreshed and awake body of mine got into a "slack" mood and that kinda set the pace for the rest of the day. Bad bad. Need to re-adapt to 早睡早起的好习惯。sleeping earlier also require you to sleep lesser hours. Trying hard to kick my owl-habits. Slept at 1230am yday. Shall try for 1130 by the time I start school. Need to be more fruitful and productive with my time! :)

And as I begin to walk around praying and make confessions, I realized that they do more to me and are more powerful to those that I make while sitting or lying down. Our body actually recognizes those postures and moods much more than we actually do. The way to make our body listen is to act out. And as we confess, we need to get into the right postures for they reflect our attitudes.

Time for greater discipline!
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2009-12-03T00:55:00.002+08:00

i love the saxophone.

2009-12-03T00:37:00.003+08:00

That's when I love you - Aslyn

When you have to look away
When you dont have much to say
Thats when I love you
I love you, just that way
To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
Thats when I love you
I love you, endlessly
And when your mad cuz you lost a game
Forget Im waiting in the rain
Baby i love you,
I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you, no matter what
So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie it made you cry
Thats when I love you
I love you a little more each time
And when you cant quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
Thats when I love you
I love you, more than youll know
And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you get when you show up late
Baby I love you, I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
Thats when I love you
When nothing baby
Nothing you do could change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
No matter what

was very touched by the lyrics of the song and the tempo of it all when i came across it over wei's blog. God, help me to grow to be able to love people without measure. at the end of it all, use my life to be a testimony of Your love and grace, just like how i have been and am loved. :)

let me be a better disciple to my leaders.

let me to be a better leader, sister and friend to all my members.

let me to be a better friend to my friends.

let me to be a better sister to my sisters.

loving them the way You loved me.

Hung up, stuck up?

2009-12-02T01:43:00.001+08:00

Was reminded today that it is a choice daily to lift up our eyes and look at the situation and circumstances of others, and not just trapped in our minds about ourselves. Perhaps I've been looking inwardly so much that I almost lost sight of the bigger picture.

I need to break free of all my inhibitions. I can be who I am in all that I've been called to be. I want to be given to fasting and prayer. Today is day 2 of my fast. Tempted to eat but shall hold back. No longer just fasting and praying for my own vision and dreams but for souls. So many people around that are hurting and in need of help, just like how I was helped. I can make a difference and create the environment for change - to meet needs and to release gifts.

Looking forward to more praying time, bible reading time and planning. Bursting with ideas of changes to implement to my life, the cg, citycare and the campus. I'm EXCITED!!! Perhaps I shall go roast some duck too!

Its just amazing how with every decision that I make, God has showed me new things. The decision to press on to my call opened up direction and visions to my life. The decision to seek God and fast showed me how to look beyond myself and be strengthened by Him. God, continue to speak and show me those ideas! :)

Perhaps, I'm finally letting go...
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2009-11-29T20:04:00.002+08:00

what pastor shared today just blew my mind, yet again!

the 10,000 hour rule is something that all of us need to learn to apply ourselves to. the potential of what can be done is beyond what we can imagine when all of us diligently apply ourselves. if i would consistently and continually keep working on my passion, in ten years' time, when i turn 30, i know i will achieve much in my life.

the problem that many of us face is the issue of diligence. we always want quick-fix to our needs and problems. the world is moving so fast and advancing at an incredible pace. but yet, we forget that the importance of excellence. even the hours behind the scenes doing the work are not seen, it is necessary if we want to come out tops. aptly put, time is God's way of preventing everything happening all at the same time so that it will not overwhelm us and give us time to grow and develop.

the images that flashed through when pastor laid hands and prayed for us caught me there. and end of the day, most importantly is that i am always leaning upon and following Him, not forgetting to give and sow into the next generation. it is imperative that we give while we live. it is not about getting there, or at the end of the road, then we give. but the question is that are we continually looking out for the interest of others while in the pursuit of our very own? part of the purpose of each of our dreams is to bring to fulfillment of the dreams of others, and from which greater works are to be done.

personally, i want to become more disciplined. how i got to become good is through hard work. but good is not the best for my life. i want to be a healthier me. i want to excel in my craft. i want to revolutionize love in the lives of the people around me. i want to be able to better the lives of others around me while in pursuit of my dreams and goals in life.

and like what God has spoken today with His presence so strong, "Rui, are you willing to let me take your hand and lead you in every step of the way and be so close to Me, trusting in me?" the answer is obvious and i know that my breakthrough is nearing.

looking forward to a week of prayer and fasting...

2009-11-28T01:25:00.002+08:00

26 Nov is Thanksgiving Day in the US. so what am i thankful for?

to think back, this year has been a trying year of personal failure and yet, also one of the greatest growth!

i've grown in my capacity taking my own cg now. i'm thankful for every single one of my members. each of their antics never fail to tickle me and bring my blood pressure a bit higher. i would not exchange anyone of them away for anyone else. being with each of them only redefines love each time, showing me how God loves us. and i realized that i'm loving my members more each time i spent time with them. and the greatest joy? to see them GROW!

i'm thankful for the friends that i've made through the campus ministry - the people who believed in the vision and ran along with it. many others caught on and joined in this race while some have ever since went on to embrace a new phase of life. with special mention to those that i've got the privilege to spend more time with and i'm closer to. i'm really blessed and touched by how willing and giving everyone is. the list goes like this, cheryl, esther, ziyun, joyce, eileen, towkay chong, tai gong, daddy, ah gong, lengkian, isaac (amazing dedication and loyalty), liwei, changhan, quanhan and ashley. *this list is not exactly exhaustive but limited to what i can recall now*

and i'm thankful for the most memorable birthday ever!!! just right outside my own home!!! :)

i'm thankful for the study buddies that i have had for the past few weeks - people that listened, people that blesses and people that bought 'teh-o' and yummy snacks all the time.

i'm thankful for helpers that rose up to the ocassion as i'm fighting exams to stand in the gap. and even as i'm not around for service tmr, i know they will do a good job.

i thank God for Min. it is funny how we take turns in being the older sister, mother and everything else. cannot imagine how much closer that i've drawn to her over the months. even in the times that she does not understand, she still puts up with my nonsense. she probably saw the most of my nonsensical self. haha.

thankful for roomie who is ever so cute and so loving and positive. the constant exchange of smses between us is one that i cherish. jia you roomie and happy 21st birthday!

i also thank God for FOTS, especially Mingyan. loved that night when we all had a WII-bulous time! how each of them sowed in my life in the different seasons are beyond what words can describe. thank you for giving me a chance to be part of your lives!!!

i thank God for fellow leaders friends. thank you for helping me to integrate and being one of you and the "hugs" that very night. i'm blessed to be part of WLsub- zone and to be serving together with all of them.

i thank God for Wenling who is ever so loving and gracious. If not for love and if not for grace, i would probably have given up on fighting. thank you for your love and faith in me!

i thank God for bestie. taught me a lot of things about life and helped me to confront fears and issues of my life that now i've learnt to run to God even more.

i thank mummy for all the lovely meals and facials she pampers me with whenever i get to go home and spend time with her.

i thank God for Pastor and Sun for being role models in our lives. when we have it tough, they have it the toughest. they are really an epitome of faith! not forgetting how their love for each other and the family knows no distance is an inspiration to all of us to have strong and loving families.

i thank God for loving someone like me. so imperfect. yet, He still loved me and took me in. the times that He kept on speaking through people and His word were all just on time. if not for an Abba that loves me so much, i really don't know where would i be and what would i be doing. there is indeed no greater love than yours!

and i'm a bit tired now. shall continue during year-end. :)

2009-11-26T13:01:00.001+08:00

Having been brought in is the purpose of getting equipped and then going out to bring more in. Are we still going out and bringing more in? Or have we stayed stuck where we are in comfort or just concerned of our very own growth and step up?

And are we equipping people as we ought to be or are we just brushing them aside? Are we still believing in people, in their dreams and what they can achieve?

Show me how to bring the fullest out of the lives of my friends and those close to my heart. Commend me to never forget that there is always someone out there that is still hurting and in need for someone to listen. Teach me to love without condition. To love at the expense of self.
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2009-11-25T01:01:00.000+08:00

I feel a renewed passion to master chinese after all these years. Have always loved the orthography and origins.

And now, I look forward to the day that I can go to China to spread the gospel once again, esp to liaoning.

was just reminded today that how things come to us so easily these days that we are taking it for granted, esp the word of God. I want to always be so hungry for the word reading day to day, remembering my goal to read the chinese bible this year.

And if God willing, I want to go to China for missions for the next two years and spend the final sem of my uni education on exchange in China. NOW is the time!

I surrender all and lay them at the feet of Your throne...

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2009-11-22T18:10:00.001+08:00

Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity. 1 Tim 4:12

I see a greater need for myself to learn to be an example to the people around me for the purpose of my calling. I'm praying for greater wisdom and anointing in my life. Let my weaknesses be made perfect in Your strength...

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2009-11-22T11:04:00.002+08:00

i lurve SATURDAYS!!!

started off the day with Eve and gang at villa bali in preparation for her wedding. it really is so much fun playing and experimenting with the different equipments, music and even walking! there was a fair bit of mozzies and the sun though. other than that, it was a great time knowing new people, learning new things and playing with ryan's new camera. i could really get the hang of helping to plan and prepare for weddings. =P (wedding planners for hire?)

was tremendously blessed by rev casey treat's sermon. was uber power-packed. so i'm going again with my members today! *whee* going on to build greater core strength!

chocolate fondue was a hilarious time with everyone "playing" with the satay sticks and fruits. in other words, we were all pretty filled! shixian did a mini performance for us with her 'ling' and samuel played a few tunes on his clarinet. simply awesome! w466 got talents!!! sure looking forward to the DIY shoe session next saturday! (Eve's wedding too!!!)

and after which, we had surprise birthday celebrations for kai lin. the expressions on her face were really of brillance. love the red tomatoes! =p

now, i shall have a fruitful sunday studying hard for tmr's paper...

2009-11-18T00:36:00.001+08:00

It is always at a point that when you are double-minded that is the most vexing and frustrating. At the point where a decision is made, everything else seems to clear.

The backdoor is now permanently shut. It is only onward and to keep on riding on the wings of prayer until we overcome the situations that comes in like the flood!

And I'm glad that I made the effort to honor my leaders and celebrate their special day with them. No more small fish in big pond mentality! Got really inspired too!

Didn't really get to study as I was thinking through some stuff. Many things I don't understand and still have a lot of 'whys' going on but I'm learning to surrender them. I don't have to know. The only thing I need to know is that I am in God's will and that He is in control.

Even as things unfolded throughout the day, I'm learning to see things from God's perspective - how He is bringing the work He started in me into completion and what happens when we learn to trust in Him. And now as I come to the end of the day, I have the peace of mind to rest and the serenity to accept things the way they are and how it has turned out. I know that there is a greater purpose behind all that have had happened and nothing will be in vain. Like what the bible says, to everything there is a season and to every season a purpose. Things can only get better as we get closer to the purpose. :)

Once again, I just wanna celebrate my friends that I've been blessed with. They are really such a treasure! I'm touched by how "daddy" actually teared while praying for me and a 太公that is continually showing his unwavering and "silent" support and caring for each of us in the ministry. And Cheryl for the ears that listen and the hugs that she gives. *touched* I would never exchange them for anything else or anyone else. And as I rough it out, I know that I will have this group of people that I can fall back on and also FOTS, both who never fails to remind me of the privileged position that I am in W466. Thanks guys for believing in me and keeping me in prayers!

Love,
Rui
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2009-11-16T17:33:00.002+08:00

Got up early this morning and has been praying as I thought through part of my life and evaluating. Many of which I don't have answers and solutions to. I just need to pray some more.

And the little things that were spoken are enough to allow me to keep on trusting and carry on. And still, continually be given to prayer.

There were so many things I wanted to be, so many ideals that I've have had. Good ones but never quite God-given ones. And putting it all aside, I'm waiting on God for Him to speak that breakthrough in my life. What is standing between me and God right at this time? Why is that an area that I thought that I've surrendered it totally to only realize that there is more to it?

I don't want to live on the good, knowing that He has the best in store for me. It is living on compromise. And while waiting for the best, I need to and am gonna continue to give my best in all that I'm doing. In the midst of it all, I want to develop focus - can do does not equal must do. I need to know why I'm doing what I'm doing. Similarly, I need to exercise expectations management.

Since young, I've always been dreaming of my ideal friendship and love story - what it would be really like. Friendship takes hard work and just like the best things in life, they will cost you something. Are we willing to take that effort to inform, to reply that sms, to sow, to still accept the person for the way they are and to exercise loving correction? To receive, we all need to first give...

I am very much overwhelmed by the love of the friendships that I've built over the past year. Everyone taught me the value and what it means to love and give. I'm very blessed and I count them as blessings to me everyday. The love gift from eileen, cheryl, brian, weiliang, ziyun, zhitai, esther, bestie, weiliang and joyce just left me in awe. No words can describe their generosity and love. I'm looking forward to see greater things out of the friendship that I have with each of them, growing in love and maturity.

I want to be (become) the very person God created me to be, taking time to grow and develop. There are enough of every other being that is around already. And I'm thankful to friends that are helping me to take steps to be progressively so. :)

And with regards to the perfect love story,
God, hold me and lead me on. You are my all sustaining love...
The greatest love story that I've known is the one of Him lovingly pick me up each time I falter and walk away. And that is the kind of love that I want to grow and walk into - the perfect love of Christ.

I'm blessed and loved...
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2009-11-14T19:45:00.000+08:00

Always love the messages that Pastor Kong preaches - always for the moment!

He reiterated today on the importance of faithfulness in the little things and also in having humility. It is so easy that as we do more and get more that we slip into a situation that prides sets in and we get bossy and all self-important. I'm challenged when Pst share with us how Pst Abraham Ku had such great humility and in that moment, he then got on course with what God have for his life. And till today, he is still a person of such great humility. And with no doubt, he is influencing the echleon of the media industry with his ministry!

From time to time, I get a bit irked when ppl starts to qn me, esp pple that are younger or those that I'm not very close to. Need to learn to be more open while setting the right boundaries in place. Being open to people to tell you what went wrong is part of humility.

another area that I continually am reminded of is to be thankful in all things, through all things. Learning to love my cg more by the day. Some of them are really just amazing. The more time I spend with them, the more I learn about them, the more I love them. They really make the best cgms that I can have. I would never want the cg to become a place of ministry to me but a place of love and friendships - people that I call my friends, sisters and brothers. I want to be faithful in delivering my promises to them and press into their lives. Special shout-out to alicia, crystal and david for being so willing to stand in the gap to do things and learn. Thank youi for rising up to the occasion today so that I could meet a need that my dad had and to honor him. It wld not have been possible if you guys did not took ownership. Thanks!

And I enjoyed my time with daddy. Really really glad that I can communicate with him more these days and that we're becoming more like friends than the fear that I used to have of him. Had fun cooking the noodles that the customers ordered. Been a loooong looong time since I last did that. Maybe the next time when my friends pop by and visit me when I'm working, I could cook for them. Hopefully I would have learnt how to roast sth by den! Maybe I shld really go and learn this december before going to korea. Anw, working alongside with daddy today was just GREAT! Whee! (But I probably still won't want to go down every weekend...)

A little prayer that I said...
God, You hear my prayer. Less dependence on someone, less independence but total dependence on You. I want to be loyal to you. I can't stand it to have a heart of mixture before You. I want to say that I have laid it all down at the foot of the cross, giving all of me in exchange for all of You. Help me to be able to dream those dreams that I once dreamt of. Renew my vision, renew my calling, show me my destiny in You. Help me to see the 50 by the end of this year. Let nothing stand bwt me and this dream that you've put in my heart - this promise that I hold till today. Grant me the courage to fight for the broken and wounded. Use me as a peacemaker to restore strained relationships bwt parents and children. I want to be a vessel that you can work through, giving my life in exchange to make the lives of the others around me a better one. Show me how to bring hope to those who don't see a future and help them to believe in the potential that they have. Use me to raise up the people of the next generation for you. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

Rui
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2009-11-11T00:19:00.003+08:00

现在的我的情绪有一点低落.

并不喜欢毫无方向感的人生。而缺这就是我现在属于的状态。

own time own target 有它的好处但毫无目标的往前的确很辛苦。最糟的是不清楚自己是否真的在往前。

i need some indicators to keep moving on. i need to know that i'm in tandem with God's will for my life. but it has gone all quiet now. or is it that i have been so busy and caught up that i've not been listening?

不喜欢毫无次序和规律的生活。

i need some order.

我需要懂得如何制造自己的私人空间和如何向人说不。

i don't want to become a person of compliance and compromise.

虽然他的恩典足够与我但我不想 take it for granted.

i want to become a more effective individual - one that leads by example.

help me to become a better person for you...

2009-11-09T22:37:00.001+08:00

Over dinner today at Palette with Vibhav, Parag and Kunhal, taught them how to say grace and in turn, thwy taught me a prayer that they learnt in school when they were 3. Here goes:

Thank God for the word so sweet
Thank God for the food to eat
Thank God for the birds that sing
Thank God for everything!!!

Came up wit a little melody for it and thought that it was pretty neat. Learnt quite a few things from them too! Like how you can actually draw faces from the word boy and girl. Vibhav is really good at drawing Popeye and he throws in lots of details with it! Shall get him to teach me one fine day! :)

And Alicia, as adorable as always, started showing me all my past photos. Now I understand what it means to "scream in horror" when looking at ur past photos. I thank God that we look better as we walk closer to Him in His glory. Amazed at how I can and have changed so much in a year - both physically, emotionally (heart) and spiritually. Will be quite fun to do a video montage one day and have a good laugh. Hehe.

And now, back to results and language grammar analysis. Tmr will be even better! Amen! :)
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Karu's farewell

2009-11-09T01:03:00.001+08:00

This is really the last hours before I'll be able to see Karu again in a long long time. Really appreciate everyone for making room for her even having only met her once or twice. Some having rushed down and helped in the preparation. Simply awesome guys and gals! And Karu never fails to remind me that I'm really blessed to have such great friends.

Indeed I am blessed to have them as a family and also dearies like Alicia who just makes things happen. What more could I say? I want to learn to count my blessings every day! :)

There were a fair bit of teasing going on just now. Simply hilarious! I'm glad that I'm not on any end of it. Hee...

Anw also really thankful for the guys tat helped me to carry all my barang to my hall. I'm awed by the sheer number and weight of things that I have in school. The guys got a really good workout from me.

Friends are truly God's way of taking care of us...

And here is a prayer for Jimmy,
Dear God, we pray for your hands to touch Jimmy's right cheek and bring forth supernatural healing, restoring the cheekbone to its original condition. We pray for a speedy healing and recovery over him. and also we ask that let there be no other areas of affliction upon him, letting your protection guard over him. We thank you for a miracle and we ask all these in the name of Jesus, amen!
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2009-11-08T16:28:00.001+08:00

Really excited to see the four friends getting integrated into the cg. They want to come back again and again every week! Meeting them for dinner tmr and looking forward to giving them bs. And even more so, to be a friend to them.

Had a short chat with wl and she passed the comment on the cg getting more international - america, india and pakistan. Whee! Praying for direction and decisions need to be made as well.

Looking forward to november and december where I can spend a lot of time with the cg giving bible studies, praying hanging out together and sharing our lives. Nothing more that I could ask for! And also looking forward to more time that I can spend with my loved ones. And of course, eve's wedding! First wedding that I'm actually involved in coordinating. Hopefully that there is more to come! :D

Dear God, I want to have more of You in my life. Help me to not compromise on my character and to apply my life to the word. And even more so, let me not be bounded any longer by the past but embrace the future You have in mind for me. Draw me into the plan and directions You have for my life. In Jesus name I pray, amen.
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Getting ready for the battle of exams and deadlines!

2009-11-07T03:46:00.000+08:00

Just ended our night prayer. From next week on, it'll be back to morning prayers. I've learnt to praise and worship God more and He is really my source of strength! Wonder wat wld I ever become without His word and His presence... Unthinkable...

2 project deadlines, 2 tests and 1 outreach sums up the week. And I'm battle-ready with moo moo and my pillow in tow for my room in hall 15. This is a season of growth in personal capacity, cg and finances. Breakthroughs! I really really really really really want to grow and be strong practically and lead by example! God, help me and teach me!

Tmr is sabbath day and will be great! 4 friends coming! Whee! <3

I want to always have a heart that is running after you...
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2009-11-02T13:55:00.002+08:00

just had quite a nightmare.

God, help me to always learn to be prepared. don't know why of all people i dreamt of those that were so close to me. i pray that i'll learn to surrender all.

and more so that i'll stop going around in circles. i want to learn to run to God and be strengthened. help me to have a heart without mixture towards you Lord. allow me to grow to the woman you want me to be, one that fits your will. and at the end of it all, i will wholly follow you...

2009-10-27T01:32:00.002+08:00

i'm thankful for the time that i get to sit and think and reflect. it seems to help me to instill some order into my private life, refuelling me for the challenges that would come my way way next.

i'm learning these days to be a true worshipper. the time that i can just sing and worship God and talk to Him is a real indulgence and privilege. His presence has been tangibly felt in the past two nights as we came together to worship. no guitar, no band. just us - our hearts and lives in total surrender and yieldedness. the hour passed us by just like that. i found myself wanting to linger longer and just continue worshipping Him. i totally love it. the Holy Spirit has also been speaking and bringing many things to my remembrance, speaking from His word. i believe this is only a glimpse of even greater encounters and fellowship with Him. i want to bring my members into more of such encounters!

and as i spoke to a dear sister of mine, God reminded me that the seasons that i have been through was for a purpose and not in vain. having been through what i was grappling with in the past three months, i know i've emerged stronger and loving God and His people more. my heart has been checked, fine-tuned and sensitized. as i prayed, i felt the pain and grief in my heart for her.

my dear, i know the weeks ahead is not going to be easy, but God will bring you through, holding on tightly to your hands as He did to mine. He'll never let go of you even when you don't know how to carry on. He'll carry you through so long you stick on to Him. jia you! you can! <3

2009-10-24T03:55:00.003+08:00

still amazed and in awe of what He has called me to. and how things always work out in the end. one of the best meetings i've led this year. presence, yes. people, yes. was really good to have shanhui and quenas in cg today. *blessed*

and even as i prepared, there were a lot less jitters and stuttering. i knew what i wanted and where He was leading. preached up a storm and prayed up an even greater storm. and the challenge to give was strong. what more could i ask for? i really want to see an even greater breakthrough next week in cg. i wanna have my own meetings again!!!

yet, i know that i need to learn to build on my faithfulness and discipline. i want every cgm to be a time of power encounters!!!

really learning to love my members more each day even though some of them really stretches my patience to its limits. they are all so simply amazing. what more could i ask for than for them to grow stronger in their love and walk with God?

fellowshipping with the people was great fun too. and after much persuasion, went with zhiqiang, jonathan, kevin and coleen to xin wang@yishun. good time of chatting and bridge learning. fun to have gotten to know two more friends through the night too!

i'm really learning to take things slower and not over-commit and being more disciplined as an individual. so many thoughts are running through my head and mind right now but the main criteria is knowing that it is in the will of God for me to do. still praying and trusting... =)

2009-10-23T02:26:00.003+08:00

i'm finally getting the momentum. finished a card within an hour. and i realized that what applies in the making of my card applies for a sermon too! the thought process and details that we 'painstakingly' put in.

i'm excited for a great cgm tmr! am thankful to yongsiang and adam for helping me out for praise. i'm excited and now, more prep time! woohoo~

and it is really fun to be studying together with the gang. it gets me motivated and pumping! whee~

much is given, much is required...

2009-10-22T01:14:00.004+08:00

just got back from Joyce's 21st birthday celebration which was a great hit! with many thanks to Cheryl, Brian, Howard, Peter and Liwei for all the planning and actions carried out.

always loved time-out together with this bunch of pple. always filled with much fun, laughter and love. sparks may be flying here and there but the camaraderie is going great. love it!

an ode to Joyce...
thanks for being the can-do woman for all of us. always so selfless, loving and giving, never withholding. the standards are set so high, but yet never imposed on others but self. she is truly a woman of our times. Joyce, rock on with your zest and zeal and continue making an impact in the year ahead! You deserve it babe!

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the travelling back to school was yet another great time of hilarity. with six of us walking down the street like we own the road, we do look kinda distraught. to think we saw a maxi-cab and thought the uncle signaled for us to go over and to only see him board the cab and go off when he saw us walking over. God, bless this man. we wonder what went wrong.

it was quite a sight to see us walking down the street with all our 'barangs' and stopping cabs that came along our way. i think we were only short of singing to have gotten really 'high'. but anyway, thankful for the third cab that stopped and sent us all back to our lovely school and comfort of Karu's home. which now i get the luxury of blogging. haha.

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today feels different yet again. with myself all dolled up, with kudos to min and karu, the attention got a bit overwhelming but yet pleasant. with a little effort, i could really look so much better. hehe. feeling a little bit more feminine now. thanks gals for showing me the way! =p

with that aside, went for a waffles treat with bestie today. i'm glad that this long overdue treat has now been given and now both of us enjoy the liberty of waffles. it seems like an end but yet the start of something different - or perhaps, it has always been a continuation. the conversations that we had granted me greater insights of the friendship that we both share. but even more so, what is it that i really want to see God do in our lives - the destiny and calling He has for each of us. there is so much that each of us can do in our individual capacity. i'm learning not to be hung up over certain areas now. and more than ever before, the serenity that i feel in my heart to not think so much but to be led and just do it.

things may change but i know that God never will. and that settles many many of the issues and questions that i may have now. even i don't know, He knows. i just need to learn to hear and follow...

looking forward to greater breakthroughs and growth...

2009-10-21T02:54:00.002+08:00

choices in life are not always as clear-cut as right or wrong. many things don't fall into the absolute yes or no. what do we do with the greys in our lives? the methods of reaching an end differs. how do we decide what is the best way? and how do we know if it is really the best way?

are we letting the principles in our lives guiding us along or are they just a set of ideals that lay in sky nine? what really guides our core?

i guess we never really do know. but yet, when we let worship be the core and centrality of our beings, we know we're in good hands for He is the one and ONLY. the mistakes made were always in times that i walked away thinking that i have had it all. thankful for the grace that brought me back in again and now, having my life back on track.

even so in the face of great changes, or little ones, there is less fear and greater trust through prayer knowing that He has it all and knows it all. i take great comfort in a love that encompasses all, provides for all and loves through all. amen.

do not be afraid; only believe...

2009-10-20T00:47:00.002+08:00

i'm promising myself a quickie...

it is funny how seasons bring us back to the basics again and again for us to build on.

i'm learning once again the importance of being a 100% in every single thing that i do and living the moment. though things may not always turn out the way we want them to, it will turn out at least close when we learn to embrace them. i want to love again, just like how i am loved. full steam ahead rui! it's the end time harvest before 2010 starts. and yet again, i'm in preparation for change. could we keep things the way it is? or do we really really have to change? *thinks*

write down the victories and the failures for they will be your strength for the future. they give faith that we can overcome...

2009-10-08T21:59:00.002+08:00

was just watching tv with sis the other night. it just adds on to my belief that songs are the soundtracks of our lives and reflects who we really are. they cause you to feel a million different things with the tempo, the lyrics and the voice behind it all. and at this moment, i like the song that xt posted on her blog. it spurred off the soul-ish part of me.

guess that's probably why i like listening to a specific genre of music when i feel a certain way. songs that helps me to know that i'm understood. songs that give me strength for each new day. and songs that show me what love is. and the ones that touches me the most are those of praise and worship. it gives me faith, hope and love for the days when i'm down and out.

i thank God for the creation of music. i thank Sun for being out there doing what she is doing to bring the message of faith, hope and love to the masses around. i'm really really proud of her and till today, her music brings me much joy and still touches my heart deeply. thank you!!!

i could sing of your love forever...

2009-10-07T14:24:00.001+08:00

addiction is a feeling that you keep on feeding. the temporal pleasure that leaves you feeling empty after it is over, leaving you wanting to go back for more and more because of the thrill and adrenaline rush. to some, it is sleep, to some it is a person while others, a habit. what is yours?

i reckon being addicted to God is one of the safest addiction and best addiction that i have ever gotten on...

2009-10-02T03:43:00.003+08:00

just got back home from pm. just amazing and mind-blowing. you never know what to expect from God next.

as we entered the last lap of the three for the opm, i was touched by how God moved. first worship, i was stirred. the second, touched by His very presence, even as i was serving on the slides. and God spoke to me of things that i need to get right - the things i have been confessing, the thoughts i have been harboring and the actions that i have been putting forth. i asked God once again for the heart that is so pure and holy unto Him, one that is undivided and that He ruled and reigned. i cried as i worshiped there and then, wanting a change and breakthrough in myself.

and daryl got the leaders to pray for their members and that was what i did. i'm thankful that i was able to minister to that one and faithful one that was there throughout the whole night with me. i am reminded of this very ministry that God has called me unto. and i prayed, telling God that i never want to shepherd by my own strength and wisdom but by His. i lifted my life and laid it down on the altar own again in surrender as we prayed for a stronger walk in our own lives with God. and i really really loved it.

in the final part, we got into twos and threes and prayed for one another. yieling prayed together with me and we ministered to each other. it is funny how i ended up crying buckets once again. it became really evident to me that how God knows every single event that has been transpiring in my life - the questions that i have been posed with by people, the nights that i went to bed crying, the times that i wept in prayer, the pressure and burden i feel and everything else. and even when no one understands and sees, i am fully assured that God sees and He knows. even though at times things may look okay on the surface but God knows what is deep within.

His presence is something that i have learnt that i cannot do without with. His word is sth that i want to live out and make manifested through my life. My heart, mind and words are the things that i need to learn to guard. i want to love the word more than ever before. i don't want to have the thirty pieces of silver in my life.

and another thing i learnt tonight is that much as it is important that we seek God in our own space and have a personal relationship, it is also important that we come together in a group and manner to to pray. there is great power in agreement and even more so, it is a time where every joint supplies and in the fellowship of the saints, there is light. and where there is light, there God is and He is able to bring illumination into situations, allowing us to breakthrough and giving us revelation.

like what yieling has prayed, "God, make me a stronger woman and leader for you."

i am looking forward to the next opm on christmas eve!!! and i am excited for the fifty...

2009-09-17T17:45:00.002+08:00

mummy is finally BACK!!!

and i realized how serious the damages they did to their pockets were. lots of chocolates, mementos and their shopping loots. they sure did have their fair share of fun, although the bus and plane rides were pretty much more draining and strenuous. to think they went to netherlands, italy, switzerland, munich and the list goes on just make me go WOW! i'm even more convinced of my dream to spend one more backpacking europe in my lifetime visiting the museums and roaming the streets and admiring the sceneries. on a side note, i better work on my cycling skills. haha.

and a comment made by my mum on my apparent loss of weight became an engaged conversation between me and yiyi. seems like i am no longer the 'fat pig' around the house. to think that my wrist size is now even smaller than hers. God knows what on earth happened to me. i think it is a bit scary to think that my weight hit an all-time low since i was fourteen. to see the six change to a five is really getting a bit shocking for me. maybe i should really get down to toning them into muscles by working out more. i don't want to become skinny. i just want to be fit and healthy to do what He wants me to do for His glory. i find it a bit weird that i'm not actually happy that i lost weight. probably it is cause i never worked towards it ba.

anyhows, i am keeping my finger crossed for a holiday trip to australia after exams. hopefully it will materialize, meaning that i will fly before i become an official adult. *woo-hoo!* but on another note, it could really be a proper family getaway together allowing us to bond as a family. *wheeeeeeeeee!!!!*

and i am just getting even more thankful by the day. now i am officially off debts to anyone person except for mummy, the school and the bank. i am just amazed and blown away how over three months God brought me from a place of barely enough to a place of surplus with my "current liabilities" being paid off. He is indeed my Provider! looking forward to the upcoming A&B where we can exercise the principles of sowing and reaping once again and see how God is really one that believes in SUPER-ABUNDANCE!!! and i am getting hopeful that i will actually be able to clear most of my school fees upon graduation. don't really know how but i know He knows and He will show me in due time. *blessed*

2009-09-17T02:15:00.001+08:00

i am just very much thankful for an abba that loves me so very much. a word that was spoken forth so timely, the unrolling of events and His ever reassuring presence and love.

there were three person that came to my heart and mind that i really wanted to ask for forgiveness and make restituition, for each of them value a lot a lot a lot to me - mummy, a leader and a friend.

and i realized how much courage it really takes to do it not out of an emotional hype but when it really comes out of a genuine decision to change. you may feel like running away and just forget about it. or even write an email or send an sms to the person and then count it over. the most difficult is probably to call or even to meet up the person face to face. but yet it is probably the one that shows the most sincerity.

i decided to call up the friend and i'm really thankful that i did. although i was very much tempted to just email the friend what i have prepared to say. i'm glad that i didn't and really really thankful that the friend was as encouraging as always and especially to God for the courage to even make the call and wrote down all that i wanted to say. the hardest was probably the saying part and not the writing part. there were parts that have not been 'scripted' but yet it also revealed the deepest of what was in my heart which otherwise might have remained hidden. pretty much that which is brought out into the open and into the light is the one that can recover the most. thank you for being so gracious to not have me to try to recover on my own but willing to take me in once again as your friend. i guess i have been pretty much wilful and stubborn.

thank you my friend for being so gracious to forgive and forget in that very instant. it was that fast even before i could even blink. but yet it also showed me what our friendship meant to us and the kind of person that you really are. you made it a whole lot easier as i embark on to the very next chapter of my life knowing that i have found a best friend in you. as you have said, the time apart is needed to do us good. and i thank you for the chance to start over the friendship once again. i prayed that this friendship is one that can be tested and be proven loyal. *clip clop*

and with mummy coming back in 14 hours, i look forward to be able to make restituition for what i said and what i did just before she left the country. and with the leader, i really hope to be able to draw closer to and serve alongside with...

God, open up these doors that You have shown me...

and through it all, i'm thankful to God for putting it in my heart and giving me the courage to own up to what i have done wrong than to just leave it as it is. i know if it was just me, i would not have been able to own up and look at everything that i have said or done with such radical honesty and say that i am wrong. let time be the greatest test of the change in me. mould me and make me into what You want me to be; You are the potter and i am the clay...

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change but the courage to change the things that I can. Let your glory be revealed through me in Your time...

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and before i head to bed, i just felt that i have to write this down. i am just very much touched that how God answered my prayers in an email that i received. a wave of relief just washed over me, but above and beyond that, i am touched by how God knows and also the graciousness of her words. the email was written a few hours back but the reply came so timely. indeed, when much is forgiven, much is loved. i am finally seeing the light at the end of this valley that i plunged myself in somehow but God has never failed to take me in His right hand leading me on from that day i came before Him and repented.

there were depressing days (and today being one of it) but His love and presence just cam on stronger and even more tangible. i think i am beginning to comprehend the restoration that the others have been speaking of. Holy Spirit, help me to never ever forget this day where forgiveness flowed and you filled my heart once again with such faith and hope for the future, completing me in Your love. what more can i say when i know that i have someone like You watching over me, someone that i call Abba. You have been so real so real, more so than i could ever imagine in my entire walk with You. this season of encounters and revelations, i never would want it to end. i want to be like Ruth and Enoch who walked with You to the very end. thank You for blessing me with all that You have and showing me what i needed to see once again. *at total loss of words for the greatness and limitless of Your love for me...*

and thank you to all my silent blog readers who have been keeping me in prayers and your words of encouragements. you have been a blessing - and you know who you are...

more than enough, You're, more than enough, You're more than enough for me...

2009-09-15T23:37:00.006+08:00

enjoyed very much the time that i spent with myrna today albeit short. it is really really nice to have a sister to go along with you to places you need to go and do the things that you need to do. it is no longer so alone. looking forward to the fellowship again next tuesday!

and i'm thankful for ying that wld want to head back together. although i am really tempted to just be a loner, the fellowship home did sth to my heart. it is actually far better to go home together than alone. it is really a time of secret-sharing and also a time to inspire one another. thanks babe!

the word today at the meeting just spoke to me again and again at different points. the love of God that that touches us all so deeply but yet many of us have yet to experience this fullness. the very fullness of the love of God that forgave us even right before we make those mistakes. i take comfort in knowing that God loves me through all in all even when i screwed up big time in my life. He has not stopped speaking through His word and through people and things. His love for me just keeps me in awe. there is nothing in my life that i desire more than Him now, for me to be completed in His love. though i'm still struggling, i know that there is a love that i can always fall back on. indeed when much has been forgiven, much more is the love experienced. i have experienced much this two months and that probably explains what i've been seeing in the cg. though i get discouraged from time to time, God has His ways of bringing me back up again. pretty much still trying to comprehend the limitless of God's love. God, won't you show me the revelation of the cross? Help me to love people as of how You did and being able to forgive all the offenses and murmurring that has been made.

from the same message, i felt the need deep in my heart to seek for forgiveness from a few people that i've grieved and hurt in the past few months. the people that i treasure and i love. i seem to be standing at the brink of a new chapter of my life right now, not knowing what to expect, not knowing what to do. in fact, i do feel very very weird in my heart. but i've been affirmed of His faithfulness and love towards me and that He will show me the way and that He will be as timely as He has always been. i once again need the very grace that He has put in my life that has got me to where i am today. mistakes i've made are many but yet He has always been so gracious. keep me from falling again and let me lean in full dependence on You, seeing the things that You see...

一向都无厘头的我是应为你的爱和恩典才会有今天的我。让我继续每天靠着你的恩典走下去。

let us bear fruits of God's love and love our very own...

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reading the post on Pastor Kong on belonging to God really affirms it all - nevertheless I am continually with You; You hold me by Your right hand (Ps 73:23). His presence never leaves us nor forsakes us. and having just hung up with Jo over the phone and reading the blog post, it just keeps me wondering how on earth can God be so timely. but it all tells me that this is how my God is like - a father who knows what his children needs best and offers them right on time, with maximized impact. made a few decisions as i conversed with joy and as she prayed for me, tears flowed once again, touched by His very presence. i know that these decisions made / going to be made are not easy but necessary for me to move on and grow. and now, it is back to prayer and communion with Him on my own...

i love you , i love you, i love you and my heart will follow wholly after you...

2009-09-15T09:55:00.003+08:00

was just thinking about how a friend commented on always being easily misunderstood.

on one hand, how many times do we learn to clarify or explain to the very person we love and treasure? or do we just brush it off as "they should know me well enough than that". or even at times, do we feel that they won't understand anyway so why bother trying.

and if we are the party that might have misunderstood someone else, how many times have we tried listening to the person and finding out more before we jump into conclusions? those little 'judgements' of what the case might really have been?

as i am writing this, i was reminded of what pastor said over the weekend about true relationships and true discipleships have to be tested. and i'm thankful that i'm beginning to find those relationships in my life.

with all that has been happening, i was really thankful for MY in asking me out to just go for a meal together. (i kinda don't really like big crowds) and as we spent time, the sharing just followed. i'm glad that the sharing was not limited to about me but being part of her life is really a privilege. her sharing has helped me gain additional perspective to how everything is and insights into her life. i appreciate the listening ear and affirmation that she gave in the need to vocalise it out. people know but how much they know of the true extent is another story, esp if you don't tell them.

i really want to build deeper relationships and discipleships in my life. God, help me to manage my expectations and learn to be open once again. help me to learn to take initiatives once again although i really hate it. help me to be true to my emotions with my friends - i don't need to always carry a strong front. i do too get tired, discouraged and emotional. they are not negative but platforms for me to grow and become a better person. i just want to be who that God has created me to be and wants me to become...

and all in all, let's become a little less misunderstood by ppl that we love and care for and also be slower to jump into conclusions and form those 'judgements'...

nothing matters in this world without You...

2009-09-14T22:57:00.001+08:00

the weekend has been good. had loads of fellowship time with the members and saw how many of them have grown. and most importantly, how everyone can now enjoy the fellowship of each other, caring for one another and also the older ones caring for the younger ones, sending them home. i'm glad and i really am.

and as the cg embarks on the last quarter together, i'm excited for all the growth that each of them will undergo individually and all of us coporately in our love for one another. and i am now reminded of a vision that God has put into my heart sometime last year. is it really all going to happen now? i'm praying and keeping my fingers crossed. God has just been so good so good that it's getting beyond my limited understanding. but i'm loving it. it is really really an adventure!

there has been sth that i've been trying to forget. my says to stop rehearsing the moments and think of the reasons to not be reliant. i'm trying and i'll keep trying till i get it right. hate to be having all these conflicting thoughts. i cried as i prayed and i felt sth breaking inside. is this it? i hope it is...

"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me..."
~1 Corinthians 15:10

i am not as strong as i

2009-09-01T23:51:00.002+08:00

不知自己是不是不知不觉中变得有一点孤僻了。我已经不在寻找向人倾诉心中的痛和烦。

是因为习惯还是变得无奈了呢。我自己也不知道。

我在祷告，一直在祈祷有朝一日能找到知音，一个能谈吐心声的人。

i'm hoping, i'm believing...

2009-08-29T00:54:00.002+08:00

just got back from cg today. very different feel today. new people, new things and new anointing. God has been and is really very very very very very gracious and good to me. breakthrough in many ways. though still nervous in parts but yet He led it all...

i am in awe of the love and grace that God has shown. how He is always so timely and how He speaks to the youngest to the oldest. He is my portion!

You're more than enough for me...

2009-08-28T00:55:00.001+08:00

God, prepare my heart. i'm not ready to take everything back once again now. but i ask for nothing but Your presence, your love and your grace to go with me. this is all that i could ever ask for...

Beautiful One, Merciful Son...

2009-08-27T01:30:00.002+08:00

this week has been just amazing. really thankful to God for passing me my BTT!!! and as i read His word, He has been speaking to me over and over again. and one verse that i particularly like is in Isa 42:6, "... I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and make you... "

was rather affected by the happenings on tuesday but am much better now as i read the word. there have been major changes that have been announced in meeting and many many are affected. as i went through the list and analyzed based on my human knowledge, i saw what it means to be an anomaly. i thought to myself and asked, "God, have i shortchanged myself of your destiny for my life by the mistakes that i've made?"

this in itself drew me back in the need to stay focused on God and not be pulled away. seriously, i cannot imagine the day that God stop speaking or when i am so off-course that i would not reach God's will for my life. and as comments of being old and hardened amidst the rest, i told God and myself that i will not be so. i want to make things happen. i want to see growth and breakthrough. anomaly or not, my God can do all things through he that is willing. i want to make and be the difference for my generation. amen!

and as has been for the past few weeks i realized that while i rest and take a break, it does not mean absolute abstinence. in matthew, even when Jesus was grieved, He pulled away but came back thereafter to continue serving and meeting the needs of the people. He probably still feels the grief when He got back but yet, He is still faithful to do what He was commissioned to do. and even as i go through my season, Holy Spirit, help me to live like Jesus did...

Your word is my daily portion, my food for sustainance...

2009-08-22T00:54:00.002+08:00

faithfulness: the cornerstone of character

we need to keep on at what we are always doing even when things seem bleak, flee from gossip, murmuring and sexual immorality and continually walking in the fellowship of the light, building strong relationships with one another...

2009-08-12T15:12:00.002+08:00

was just taking the train with xt down to jw when we started to have a chat. the conversation we had got me really really inspired and also encouraged. could really feel that she spoke out of her own faith and conviction in God. it was truly sth that she has been there and done that.

the entire topic of our conversation: consecration

what is consecration to each of us? and what do we really mean when we conscreate ourselves to God? it is true that over the years, many of us have found ourselves making sacrifices to what God has called and asked of us. and continually we found ourselves giving. though there are times we wonder if it is worth it all or do we still want to continue to give.

i was caught at certain figures that xt shared with me like her having taken on a seven year vow when she was 14 and how after when she turned 21, God asked if she was willing to give another 2 years of her life unto Him. this which she did.

and as she shared about her convictions, one thing that she said that struck me very strongly is the reality how God is the only one that is a constant. as He asked of us to give unto Him, He will bring forth returns not just in eternity but also here and now in our present life. and even in the area of relationships, we ourselves can't see into the future but God alone knows all things and He is always preparing the best for us, one that is ordained for our lives. but the pre-requisite is when we give the whole of our beings, with all areas being dedicated to Him so that we are in total obedience and accordance to His will.

as i walked, i prayed and asked the Holy Spirit to live my life in greater consecration to God. i want to be able to receive God's best for my life as i give unto Him my best, not allowing anything to short circuit my destiny. help me to guide my heart and my mind diligently, no longer wavering. i want to hear and obey, not giving room for temptations. i want to be like xt to not just have the faith but live out the faith and see how God can work through my life.

i want to trust God more and lean more unto Him. and above it all, to live my life in greater consecration with full assurance that God will never shortchange me and He alones knows best!

" For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him... "

2 Chronicles 16:9a

right person. right time. the right thing. period.

2009-08-07T10:54:00.000+08:00

after much awaiting, the school timetable is now out!

the best thing yet, i still get my MONDAYS FREE!!!

and i managed to get a jap module and a module in biz finance. things are going to just get better as i learn to navigate my life as a uni student.

exams will start on 19th November and only ends on 1 Dec. guess it also ensues more time for revision and that an entire term lasts for 14 weeks with 1 week of holiday and lots of public holidays thrown in. to even think that the first day of school is a public day.

tutorials commences only on the second week which means that i only go to school on wed and thurs next week with almost back-to-back lectures!

i don't know but i guess i'm really looking forward to being back in school and getting back into the momentum of things, yet, i am learning to savour the moments of peace and rest that i can get. i guess in each, there is a paradox. *i wonder why*

2009-08-07T01:26:00.000+08:00

today has been yet another day that it is still pretty much a privilege to me...

had the luxury of time and just sought God and worshiping Him. not forgetting having done the things that i wanted to do. to start clearing the organized mess at home and visited my grandma.

while packing i came across pastor's daily devotion in 2005. a random flip brought me to a page where it spoke tremendously into my situation now. indeed God's principles are timeless but yet always timely for us. gradually experiencing more of God in QT once again.

and as i visited grandma, what was fun was hearing her relate about her life. today was part one. looking forward to the other parts before writing a biography for her. whee!
but it was a bit heart wrenching for me to have heard about a prodigal son whom till now has yet to learn his lesson.

looking forward to start school again. and not forgetting a diving trip and also driving lessons to come. i'm keeping my fingers crossed. on a side note, my friend reminded me that i need to learn how to trap water and swim freestyle. which means swimming lessons!!!

i shall try to get mummy to go swimming with me tmr morning before signing up for lessons.

and in the mean time of all, i'm reminding myself to not let work block out all the emotions for healing...

2009-08-06T02:10:00.000+08:00

just got back from supper with mummy and uncle.

we ordered the crab congee which many times people having wanted to order never did. the congee serves three to four person but ended up almost me finishing two-thirds of it. very nicely cooked and even till the end, the congee was still warm. yummy-licious!

but am a bit bloated now. might as well, since i need to finish up curriculum and write some emails too.

new realization is that daddy's second stall is just opposite john's place. imagine that...

reminding myself that i cannot start binging again...

2009-08-05T13:48:00.001+08:00

as i read an email from a dear one this morning, tears just streamed down my face. evidently being touched by her faith and courage and even more so, how God speaks through people and how much He loves me.

the past few weeks (especially the last), has been one very difficult and challenging. thankfully by His grace, i am now recovering. no longer in utter darkness and loss but i am slowing seeing the light at the end of the valley. i can't help but be in awe of how God is in control over every area of our lives and how He loving us so much intervenes through the people around us. and through it, He has shown me how much He loves me beyond all that i do or can possibly do, just loving me for who i am to him.

for this very season, i want to draw in so close to Him. it seems to be a time to really go back to to the basics and the foundations of finding Him and just loving Him for who He is also. i am beginning to comprehend more and more of salvation by grace and not by works. as we get saved, we are not called to serve endlessly but one of a deeper relationship and love for God. everything else is and should be an outflow of that very love.

i thank God for all the encounters i have had with Him all these years to keep me from making decisions that would bring me to a place of no return. it has also showed me how much God means to me and that everything should pale in comparison to my love for Him, even for a spouse in future. sometimes the best way to learn is to really experience and undergo through it all.

i look forward to greater days ahead with my greatest lover in the whole universe - my Abba Father. i have no idea how i am going to navigate out of everything but one thing i know for sure is that so long i am holding onto Him, everything will work out fine, even down to the very details.

what more can i say then that i am blessed and His grace is truly more than sufficient for me. as i look back, He has cushioned every single thing that took place with His presence and His love. what more can i ask for to Him who is considerate and love for us is so faithful? and beyond it all, He has also placed people in my life that is here for me...

to the very one who said, I'LL RUN TOGETHER WITH YOU, NOT BEHIND BUT BESIDE YOU!, it is a privilege to have you running alongside me. and you touch me in ways beyond what you can imagine. thanks for the goodies, sms-es and the love that you have been showering me with. keep on strong in your love for God and running for Him and His purposes!

i'm thankful for fellow leaders, a boss that loves me as a lil sister, friends around who are willing to just go through with me, supporting me albeit oblivious of what has been happening and is happening. 真的谢谢有你们!

and i'm also thankful to have ended a chapter of my life proper yesterday. God has granted His serenity and helped me to see the bigger picture. and i'm looking forward to start a brand new chapter for a new season of my life and even more so, a new chapter in friendship in the time to come.

being called grace is really by His grace

2009-08-05T00:11:00.000+08:00

I cant stand to fly
Im not that naive
Im just out to find
The better part of me

Im more than a bird...Im more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
Its not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Ill never see

It may sound absurd...but dont be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wont you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Its not easy to be me

Up, up and away...away from me
Its all right...you can all sleep sound tonight
Im not crazy...or anything...

I cant stand to fly
Im not that naive
Men werent meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

Im only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me
Inside me
Yeah, inside me
Inside of me

Im only a man
In a funny red sheet
Im only a man
Looking for a dream

Im only a man
In a funny red sheet
And its not easy, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm...

Its not easy to be me

this has been a song that i have always liked since eons back. but as i heard it again, it seems to echo something else. i wondered if it is of our unrealistic perceptions and impressions that we make life a lot harder to live our lives or is it the unrealised expectations of others on us...?

i wish that i will find the answers soon enough - to find the very person i am in God...

2009-08-04T22:50:00.000+08:00

after all the mishaps that has had happened to the laptops of my friends, jewel seems to have impaired hwe vision now.
the lcd screen just goes black, white and a whole lot of other colours.
i hope jewel recovers soon enough to its optimal.
and hopefully her hospitalisation stay won't cause much...

this feeling of loss is sometimes beyond what i can bear...

2009-07-31T04:01:00.002+08:00

been thinking today on how all of us appreciate the chance to explain ourselves, to clear the air of possible misunderstandings and to bridge the communication breakdowns. yet sometimes with so many pre-conceived notions and assumptions, we then begin to get fearful to thrash things out and leave things status quo. sometimes for the better, and others for the worst, which is usually the case. it is pretty much saddening for things to ever reach that stage for it eventually gets buried deep down and never mentioned again.

i am just contemplating that if one values and treasures the shared relationship, one would want to fight for the best to clear the air and explain all that has been said or done. and when i do give the people in my life this opportunity, how many of them would take that first step, that very intiative to work things out together. how many would truly value the friendship to such an extent.

yet at the end of the day, like what everyone says, that i just need to trust in God more. but deep down, i wish and i hope for people to come and clear the air with me rather than to leave things to speculation and guessing.

i'm giving myself some time (probably one week)to iron out what needs to be with God and myself. along which to make some decisions for this very season...

i wish that you would talk to me and make things clear in a bid to be fair...

2009-07-09T16:04:00.001+08:00

i need to learn to look at the root of the problem and not tackle them on their face value...

2009-07-03T13:05:00.004+08:00

okay. i'm back down into a moaning mode and i'm writing to get rid of it. can't possibly carry all these feelings and go into the rest of my day, esp for CG...

always feel quite torn for cg. am really really really excited to see God move in CG today and how He is going to speak into our lives and touch our hearts and see lives change. life is always an adventure with God. and it is like a breaking forth out of what Poh taught us in iworship. i look forward to finding God in the holiest of all and help my members find Him too!

God spoke once again during the OPM. it is true that we are all called to love Him even before anything else. as we sang deeper in love and the different leaders prophesied, it brought on illumination on how God opens doors to our lives and paid the price of redemption for us once and for all, though we still struggle from time to time to grasp this.

and as i draw nearer to my birthday, i look forward to see the birthday msges coming in. but more so, i want it to be another time of consecration. and as i bade farewell to teenage years reaching the big 2, i just want to fall deeper in love with God, serving Him in a greater capacity, doing what He wills and of the desires He has put into my heart. i know that the year is only going to get better. i can sense the change and have seen changes in myself in the past year. the little girl within is growing up, just very much like the shunamite woman. i want to grow in my love to be one of mature love, tested but yet also still left yearning for more. not just waiting at where i am for God to touch me, but going forth to where God is and come into communion with Him. Song of Solomon have taught me a lot a lot a lot about love and in my wanting to pursue God. i want to be someone after God's own heart and share His heartbeat. i want to be his daughter of grace...

成长的过程虽然艰辛但成熟的果子截然值得。。。

2009-06-30T06:02:00.001+08:00

finally one-third through my transcription.

a kinda random thought that just came to my mind earlier on following from what my friend said:

all is fair when love is war.

it then serves as a reminder that when we love someone, we would defend him/her. in other words, we would not say things that tear down the value of this person to anyone else. what we say about people and to others result in an appreciation or depreciation of the value of the person in our eyes and also affect our love for the person.

help me to become a more loving person with my words. after all, our words can be hugging someone every day.

2009-06-14T18:52:00.000+08:00

it is now 6:52 pm, 14 June 2009.

and we're now almost 13 hours left to the camp.

we are all praying and believing God for the breakthrough.

an hour left and we'll pray up a storm...

2009-06-08T17:08:00.002+08:00

been quite a while since i wrote here. days have been rather hectic with the wedding of ran and shun ai, citycare and everything else.

and i'm really really thankful for the week of prayer this week where we can all come together rising early to seek God. even as i woke up at five this morning, i greeted God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit cheerfully despite sleeping really 'early'.

i find God speaking into areas of my life, giving me a renewed passion for the burdens alongside His rhema. the book of Romans in SOT today also taught a lot. really really appreciate Pastor for always breaking through to bring all of us to the next level with him. i miss SOT days but i am glad that looking back, God has done so much through me in a year, allowing me to grow more and more like Him.

i am thankful and i really really am. trusting God with how the camp is going to be next week. all the busy-ness is taking a toil on my health but i really am trying to rest more, being focused on what i need to do too.

this week will be a week of breakthroughs -i will see growth in myself and in the cg. the time is NOW!

2009-05-21T01:22:00.002+08:00

today marks the new beginning of ran and shunai living their lives as one.

i think from every wedding i help out in, there are always new things to learn and to adapt.

and today, i came to a realization that every girl has a princess dream.

when each of us wore the tiara, the feeling and sensation of it all was distinctly different. i too felt as though i was a princess today.

and i do like my haircut now. just simply refreshing. haha. and i think i really look younger like that. i wonder what would it be like to go out with that new hairband we all bought today.

looking forward to tmr to spend time with the primary school kids in canberra and giving bible studies and some me-time.

live life every day to the fullest, immersed in praise, prayer, worship, moving in faith and obedience...

2009-05-17T16:07:00.003+08:00

been quite a long while since i last blogged proper. holidays have turned out way way different from what i have expected it to be. aside from the issue of rest, this holiday has brought on with it a whole lot of new and exciting experiences. there are the new people that i have met, embarking on things that i have not quite done before and quite a lot of fellowship time.

been rather caught up with citycare these days with trainings in school. i like doing training, especially the human interaction factor. they are undoubtedly different but yet in the centre and core of our beings, we are the same -the same need for love, and being 'products' of our experiences. the difference lies only in the choices and decisions we made while growing up. some of them are a few years younger and some, a few years older. but i am enjoying myself, stretching my personal capacity in speaking in front of crowds. and this mon, we are going down to crescent to teach on public speaking. i might get to help act in some parts. haha. my desire coming true in a different way. *whee*

apart from it, i am down for loads of transcription. the most challenging and tedious one would be transcribing and transcripting cantonese, alongside the literal translation and word glosses(linguistic jargons). helping michael to transcibe his recordings for his doctrate submission too. learning quite a fair bit as i go along.

and there is the nursery curriculum that i am helping to write and doing research on. it sure is teaching me a lot and helping me to squeeze those creative juicies. my mind can do with that bit of stretching, before it gets a bit too rusty.

not forgetting the whole line-up of events that are going to happen. the zone events, Elevate camp, wedding, paintball and outings ahead. and most importantly, it is the whole lot of time i'll get to spend with my members, having bs together, playing and growing together, i love my life. i may be tired now but yet, totally excited and looking forward.

and here is an ode to my members:

to my ever dearest 'sheeps':
it was funny yet heart-warming to have you all followed me out of the lift when i took a step out to let someone else out. and when asked why, your simply said that your followed.
when i hesitated at the slide, your egged me on, giving me incentives, letting me know that your are just here with me.
and when i initiated a race, to the top, your ran with me, without giving an extra thought.
nothing else i would ever give for your, i would i would give my all for your.
i am thankful for every single one of your, esp. alicia, a 'sheep' that will always follow and seek out your shepherd...

one last thing, exams are out this coming friday! woo-hoo~
i'm not too sure if i'm really excited for it but i am glad that most of my projects came out fine. i am just hoping for the best for 212. but apart from that, i should have at least a B+ for HG205 and a A for HW111. so that leaves three other modules to be giving me a surprise...

2009-05-10T02:18:00.001+08:00

faith comes out of intimacy in a relationship with our abba.

and life is all about loving and hvaing faith...

2009-05-07T01:56:00.001+08:00

Results gonna be out on 22 May!!!

and there is now a shuttle service between pioneer mrt and ntu!

cheerios! more buses to get into school now! *whee*